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"Jewboy II: More Jew" by Paul M. Wolford Revisions by Paul M. Wolford Current Revisions by Paul M. Wolford, July 14, 2004 1 FADE IN: 1 Darkness. SUPER: 4 MONTHS LATER. MONDAY. A familiar theme song begins playing, "THE FAMILY FEUD." 2 INT. FAMILY FEUD SET - DAY 2 The CROWD claps along to the music. FEUD ANNOUNCER (V.O.) It's time to play the Family Feud! ANGLE ON - THE JENKINS SIDE, as the door is SHUT with "THE JENKINS" written across it. FEUD ANNOUNCER (V.O.) (CONT'D) (cont'd) The Jenkins family! The door OPENS to reveal an WHITE UPPER CLASS FAMILY in an "holier then thou" pose. FEUD ANNOUNCER (V.O.) (CONT'D) (cont'd) John, Barbra, Joyce, Janet, Sarah and Jimmy! The Jenkins' rejoice and run down to the microphones. FEUD ANNOUNCER (V.O.) (CONT'D) (cont'd) Playing against... ANGLE ON - THE HAMMACKS' SIDE, as a door is shut with "THE HAMMACKS" written across it. FEUD ANNOUNCER (V.O.) (CONT'D) (cont'd) The Hammack Family! The door opens to reveal BILLY, SHAWN, PAUL, CODY and MIKE! Needless to say this special occasion calls for KISS makeup for three of them. And we all remember what three we're talking about. ERIC CARR for Billy. GENE SIMMONS for Cody. PAUL STANLEY for Paul. All standing in KISS poses while Shawn and Mike, lighting up a cigarette, sit on the couch. FEUD ANNOUNCER (V.O.) (CONT'D) (cont'd) Billy, Shawn, Paul, Cody and Mike! The "Hammacks" run down to the Microphones. FEUD ANNOUNCER (V.O.) (CONT'D) (cont'd) You're here to see these two teams battle it out for twenty thousand dollars! And now the star of the show RICHARD KARN! The crowd ERUPTS as RICHARD comes out and waves to the crowd. The Jenkins clap respectfully as the "Hammacks" fight over who stands where. They end up standing in the same order they were announced. RICHARD Thank you! Good day! Let's play the feud! MUSIC plays again as Billy and John head up to the center podium and shake hands. RICHARD (CONT'D) (cont'd) Okay, one hundred people were surveyed, top ten answers are on the board. Give me the best answer. Name something that hurts. RING! Billy rings in! BILLY Falling on your drumsticks. The "Hammacks" clap their hands and cheer Billy on with the classic: "GOOD ANSWER!" RICHARD Falling on your drumsticks? BILLY Hurts like the dickens, Alex. RICHARD That's Richard. BILLY Yeah, like I care. RICHARD Okay... Survey says! A RED X pops up on the screen. 3 EHHHHHH! 3 BILLY That's bullshit, man! Who do you people survey?! RICHARD Settle down. (to John) John, do you have an answer? RING! John rings in. RICHARD (CONT'D) (cont'd) You don't have to ring in, John. BILLY (under his breath) Dumbass. JOHN I will say... hitting your thumb with a hammer. The audience and his family praise the answer. RICHARD Hitting your thumb with a hammer? Sounds like a good answer. All right, survey says! DING! Smashed Thumb is the NUMBER ONE answer. RICHARD (CONT'D) (cont'd) Do you want to play or pass? John looks back to the his family. All say to PLAY. JOHN We'll play. RICHARD All right. Billy head back to your side and we'll continue the feud! A disappointed Billy heads back to his side while Richard and John head to the Jenkins' side. JUMP CUT TO: 4 INT. FAMILY FEUD SET - LATER 4 Richard is standing in front of Shawn who takes in every word that Richard says. RICHARD (dead serious) Okay, Shawn it's up to you. Top three answers are on the board. You have two strikes against you and no points. If you get this answer correct your team is still alive. The points in this round are tripled and if you win this round then you'll win the game and go on to play for twenty thousand dollars. (beat) Are you ready? SHAWN Ready. RICHARD Okay. What is the first thing a married couple does on their wedding night? Shawn thinks it over. SHAWN Hmm... chew tobacco. BILLY Damn it, Shawn! PAUL Lick it up! CODY God of thunder! MIKE Shiittt! CUT TO: 5 EXT. BILLY'S HOUSE - DAY 5 Not much has changed since we've last been here. A SKUNK walks along the sidewalk and heads towards the SEWER DRAIN. The skunk gets a whiff then PASSES OUT. SUPER: TUESDAY 6 INT. BILLY'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY 6 Paul shakes his head while looking out the window. PAUL Dude, your poop still stinks. Dakota, Billy and Cody sit around the room depressed. Upon hearing the update Dakota smiles. DAKOTA I rule. CODY Dude, we needed that twenty thousand dollars for our tour. Now we have to win everyone over at the Rock Festival on Friday and hope we get noticed. DAKOTA Yeah, if we even make it that far. I don't really trust ridding in Billy's modified School-slash-tour bus. BILLY (correcting) The proper term is Billy-rigged. DAKOTA And the only money we have is from our suck-ass jobs at Little Imperial. CODY I wonder if our chicks have any money? PAUL Oh...yeah, I forgot to tell you. You don't have females anymore. CODY We don't? PAUL No. CODY Why? PAUL I didn't want them in the sequel. Besides what's the chances of them doing another JEWBOY movie? DAKOTA Let me guess, you're still dating Shandi, right? PAUL Technically I never dated her so, no. DAKOTA Oh. CODY But you like her. PAUL That doesn't mean anything. CODY Of course it does. Bill gets up and heads towards the front door. BILLY Well, you're better off single like me. I'll catch up with you dudes later. I have to finish Billy rigging the bus. Have fun at work. Cody, Dakota and Paul groan. CUT TO: 7 EXT. LITTLE IMPERIAL - KITCHEN - DAY 7 The most blatant rip-off of Little Caesars we can get without being sued. The phrase "pizza! pizza!" has been replaced with "food! food!" 8 INT. LITTLE IMPERIAL - KITCHEN - DAY 8 A small kitchen for a small restaurant. Around seven or eight EMPLOYEES are working. Everyone is wearing the same black shirt and beige khakis, though some have chosen the option of wearing shorts instead of long pants. Some are washing dishes. Others are flattening the dough and placing them on pizza pans. Some are taking the pizza out of the oven and sticking them in boxes. None of the women or girls are tall enough to reach anything other then the pizza's. Semi-known rap lyrics by Tupac and Snoop, etc. are being rapped LOUDLY every minute or two by one of the day managers, DANIEL. Right now he has the back door propped open with a 2x4 while smoking a cigarette. And lastly our heros are at the "PIE BAR/PIZZA COUNTER" working hard for the money. Cody POURS sauce on the pizza dough with a large spoon then puts cheese on it, slides the pan to Dakota and Paul who finish it off with the toppings. And as you would guess they're making some of the worse looking pizza's ever made. Oh, let's not forget about the thirty ORDER TICKETS they have in front of them. PAUL My back hurts. DAKOTA Mine too. CODY I hear ya'. A horrendously loud BUZZER goes off. PAUL I hate that damn door buzzer. ANGLE ON - FRONT DOOR, as we see NICK, the Head Manager walk into the store and make straight for the kitchen. Once through the door he begins washing his hands. NICK Who wants to hold the sign? No answer. NICK (CONT'D) (cont'd) Paul? You want to hold the sign? PAUL Do I get paid extra? NICK No. PAUL Do I have to dance or anything? NICK No. Just stand there and hold the sign. PAUL Okay. While Nick goes over to speak with Cody and Dakota, Paul takes off his vinal apron, hangs it up, washes his hands, then heads out of the kitchen. NICK How are things going over here? CODY Okay, I guess. NICK What about you, Dakota? DAKOTA Yeah. NICK "Yeah" what? DAKOTA Yeah, that. NICK "That" what? DAKOTA You got it. NICK (confused) Okay... CUT TO: 9 EXT. LITTLE IMPERIAL - THAT MOMENT 9 A pathetic looking Paul is standing under the shade of a tree in front of a FOUR-WAY INTERSECTION. He is holding up a large sign that reads: HEATED AND PREPARED PIZZAS FOR A BUCK Paul looks over his shoulder. No more then fifty feet behind him we see a LARGER SIGN saying the EXACT same thing that his sign says. PAUL This is stupid. Vehicles drive past Paul. The drivers and passengers either laugh or stare at him like idiots while they pass. In other words, it's nothing that hasn't happen to him every time we've seem him go somewhere in the first JEWBOY movie. A large truck drives by with TWO HILLBILLIES. The PASSENGER HILLBILLY with a prominent mustache that hasn't been trimmed since Carter yells. HILLBILLY PASSENGER Get a real job! The Driver laughs his ass off as they drive by. PAUL Grow a set of balls. (beat) Shit! I should have said that louder that was a good one. A GREEN VAN drives by on the street directly beside Paul. CLOSE DRIVER Get a job! PAUL Dickfucker! BACK TO: 10 INT. LITTLE IMPERIAL - KITCHEN - THAT MOMENT 10 Dakota looks around like he just heard his name yelled. DAKOTA (to Cody) Dude, you say something? CODY Nope. To the FAR RIGHT of Cody and Dakota Nick is cutting giant globs of Pizza Dough with his back to us. Dakota and Cody have about four completed pizza's stacked on the table and they have about EIGHTY tickets before them now and more are being printed as we speak. Dakota stops layering the toppings when he notices Cody rocking back and forth. DAKOTA Dude? CODY I need to crack this bitch. DAKOTA Go for it. Cody backs up from the table with sauce spoon in hand and swings his upper body to the LEFT. CRACK! An organismic grin beams across Cody's face. CODY Ohh, yeah. Cody swings his upper body RIGHT. Sauce from the cup goes flying across the Kitchen SPLATTERING the wall next to Nick. Upon impact Cody and Dakota do the worlds fastest about face. DAKOTA AND CODY (whispers) Oh, shit! Don't worry though. Nick didn't see it... yet. However, when Cody and Dakota look up they see Daniel looking at them. He saw the whole thing. Dakota and Cody are scared shitless... until. DANIEL (rapping) Deathrow is the record that... (falsetto) Pays me! CUT TO: 11 EXT. LITTLE IMPERIAL - DAY 11 Cars are still going by. People are laughing. Two cross sections over a TRUCK stops at a red light. The DRIVER is a WOMAN on a cellphone. Sliding out of the passenger side of the truck, Bo and Luke style, is a REDNECK with short black hair dressed in black and he's a complete piece of shit and proves his mentality by shouting at Paul. REDNECK Get a real job! PAUL Thank you! Paul shakes his head in disgust as the Redneck slides back into the truck. PAUL (CONT'D) (cont'd) (under his breath) God, I hate my life. BACK TO: 12 INT. LITTLE IMPERIAL - KITCHEN - THAT MOMENT 12 While everyone continues to work Dakota starts a GIGGLING fit over the recent events. CODY (whispers) Shut up, Dakota. DAKOTA (trying to stop) I can't help it. NICK (O.S.) What the...?! Cody looks over to a furious Nick who has just spotted the debased wall. CODY (whispers) Oh, man. NICK Who did this?! Dakota's giggling is so bad now everyone in the back focuses on him. CODY (whispers) Shut up, Dakota. Nick spins around. Dakota turns into Benedict Arnold. DAKOTA (pointing at Cody) This freaky motherfucker over here did it! CODY Ace you asshole! CUT TO: 13 EXT. LITTLE IMPERIAL - THAT MOMENT 13 We're still waiting for the light to change. Guess what? It doesn't. The Redneck Bo and Luke's the door again. REDNECK Quit your job and get a real one! Paul stares at the Redneck. Rage becomes him. Paul presses the side of his glasses. AN INTENSE BEAM OF RED LIGHT SHOOTS OUT HIS EYES. Somehow Paul has gained the same power that CYCLOPS from the X-MEN has. The beam hits a giant GROCERY STORE SIGN next to the truck. The Redneck laughs. REDNECK (CONT'D) (cont'd) You missed! The laughing slowly stops as a loud CRACKING sound is heard. The Redneck turns and sees the sign falling down towards the truck. The Redneck SQUEALS like a pig then -- CRASH! Paul smiles. REDNECK (O.S.) (CONT'D) (cont'd) (tunneled) Your job sucks! Paul quickly snaps out of his day dream. The truck is still there, so is the Redneck. Damn it! REDNECK (CONT'D) (cont'd) You're getting paid five dollars an hour to do nothing! They're ripping you off! Quit your job! The light turns GREEN, finally and the truck drives away. BACK TO: 14 INT. LITTLE IMPERIAL - KITCHEN - THAT MOMENT 14 Nick is in the middle of berating Cody who is taking it with stride. Nick points to the sauce container and is oblivious to Cody's comments. NICK Do you know how much this cost?! CODY It couldn't have cost much; it sucks. NICK We can not have people wasting our special sauce! It is imperative to our infrastructure to have teammates who protect our best interests and wasting the sauce by smearing it on the wall is not how we do it, Mr. Cody! CODY So I've been told. NICK Now go wipe that off the wall with the Little Imperial's patent pending plastic spatula and put it back into the sauce container! CODY Okay. CUT TO: 15 EXT. LITTLE IMPERIAL - THAT MOMENT 15 Thankfully there are no cars. No cars means no yelling or laughing. Paul puts his foot on a tree stump and rests the sign on his leg, then his chin on the top of the sign. Within in seconds Paul is asleep. BLEACHED BLONDE WOMAN (O.S.) Hey! Paul wakes up and turns to see a BLEACHED BLONDE WOMAN in her mid - late twenties in a rusted out white car at the red light. BLEACHED BLONDE WOMAN (CONT'D) (cont'd) Hey... if I give you a dollar will you dance a little for me?! He quickly thinks it over. PAUL A dollar?! The woman shakes her head, "Yes." Paul turns his head towards US breaking the fourth wall and smiles. BACK TO: 16 INT. LITTLE IMPERIAL - KITCHEN - THAT MOMENT 16 Dakota puts a pizza in the oven and looks over at Cody who is talking to the wall using a pathetic demon voice. CODY (pathetic demon voice) ...I am the lord of the waste lands, a modern day man of steel. Thou shalt not say such lies for I am the unholy Dr. Love and hate is what I am. I will make you scream in sweet pain for I love it lo-- DAKOTA (O.S.) Man, this place sucks! We quit. Come on, Cody. CODY Okay. 17 EXT. LITTLE IMPERIAL - MOMENTS LATER 17 Cody and Dakota walk out the front door in time to see the Bleached Blonde Woman getting back into her car that is now parked in Little Imperial's driveway. Paul pockets some change he made. Cody and Dakota watch her drive away then walk up to Paul with each on either side of Paul putting him in the middle. DAKOTA Let's go to Bill's. PAUL Did we quit? DAKOTA Indeed. PAUL (tossing the sign in the street) All right. Our heros start the march home. CUT TO: 18 INT. BILLY'S GARAGE - DAY 18 The band is loading their final belongings into a supped-up SCHOOL BUS for the tour. Paul walks around the bus with a clip board. PAUL All right, that's all the necessities. Everyone have all their little mementos that they just can't bare to part with? Paul climbs into the -- 19 INT. BUS - CONTINUOUS 19 Everyone sits down. DAKOTA Got my stuff. PAUL Cody? Suddenly MIKE AND SHAWN PULL INTO THE DRIVE WAY. BILLY About time they got here. DAKOTA Are you sure it's a good idea to bring these two along? BILLY Dude, I'm not driving all the way to those cities. CODY He's right. Plus, Dakota's a psycho behind the wheel. DAKOTA What are you talking about? I'm a great driver but I do hesitate about driving in this death trap. BILLY Hey, I guarantee you that this is the safest vehicle on the road. Only a complete idiot would think otherwise. MIKE (O.S.) Shiittt, I ain't driving that fucking thing! Mike and Shawn, along with some luggage, get on the bus. SHAWN What's up, Paul?! PAUL Hey, dude. Paul gets up and takes their luggage to the back of the bus. Mike goes to a seat and opens the window and lights a cigarette. MIKE Shit, boys where's the beer and women at? DAKOTA We don't have any. SHAWN What happened to those chicks you were dating? DAKOTA Paul wouldn't let them do the sequel 'cause he's an asshole. PAUL (O.S.) Shut up, dickfucker! Shawn heads to the DRIVER'S SEAT and closes the door, then STARTS the bus up. SHAWN Rock 'n' Roll! Shawn slams on the GAS and pulls out onto the, DRIVEWAY, and CRASHES into his car. The Band and Mike bust out laughing. SHAWN (CONT'D) (cont'd) Come on man that ain't funny! I still have eighty payments left! CUT TO: 20 EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY 20 Our heros are making good time down the highway. 21 INT. BUS - DAY 21 Everyone is doing their own thing while Shawn continues to drive. BILLY Dude, this rocks, we're on tour! DAKOTA We rule! CODY Centuries of Sin kicks ass! PAUL Dude, I think we're going to have to change that name. CODY Why? PAUL I think somebody already has it. BILLY Oh, really? PAUL I wouldn't doubt it. You know how we are with band names. BILLY Yeah, we don't have the best of luck with that do we? MIKE How long are we going to be gone again? DAKOTA Seven days. MIKE Hell yeah, dawg. Seven days and no work. SHAWN Mike, you don't even work at work. I do everything there. MIKE I have to conserve my energy for my films. SHAWN You mean porn? MIKE Yeah. And, I'm going to expand. I'm sending my stuff to Japan and get me some work with some ninja babes. I'm going to be an international sex symbol (beams with joy) just like Burt Reynolds. CODY I'm hungry! DAKOTA Shut up, Gene. CODY No, the demon wants food! SHAWN I think there's a restaurant a few miles from here. It's kind of a country one though. DAKOTA No! I am not going anywhere country with Paul and Cody again! BILLY Why not? The only thing that ever happens is Paul getting his ass kicked. PAUL You go to hell, cheese for dick! That only happened once and I didn't get my ass kicked! SHAWN That's right both you and Cody got your asses kicked. CODY Fuck you! I don't need you! CUT TO: 22 EXT. COUNTRY COOKING - DAY 22 Our heros stand outside a crowded Country Restaurant. BILLY It doesn't look that bad. 23 INT. COUNTRY COOKING - ENTRANCE - DAY 23 A loud and busy restaurant comes to HALT when the boy's walk through the front door. CODY AND PAUL What?! Quickly everyone turns back to their meals and conversations. A young hot WAITRESS that has been poured into a pair of tight blue jeans walks up to the guys. ANN Howdy fellas. OUR HEROS Yo! ANN I'm Ann, I'll be your waitress, tonight. What do we have a table for... six? SHAWN Yep. ANN All right boys, follow me. Paul JUMPS in front of everyone and follows closely behind Ann staring at her rear while she leads them to their -- 24 INT. COUNTRY COOKING - TABLE - CONTINUOUS 24 Everyone sits down at the table as she pass out their menus. ANN Now, is there anything I can get you guys while you look over the menus? PAUL You can serve me up a nice piece of that sweet ass of yours. 25 GASP! 25 Paul and everyone at the table covers their mouths in shock. Ann laughs, she's hears this crap all the time but has a sense of humour about it. ANN Well, that'll depend on how big you tip. PAUL Uh... I don't tip. You got a job female. DAKOTA "Dr. Pepper" all around. ANN You got it. (to Paul) Oh, and about the tip. Too bad, sugar. Ann turns around to leave and THRUSTS her hip into Paul's shoulder. Before she walks off everyone gets a good look at her, well, you know. Paul grabs Billy by the shirt. PAUL Give me your money. BILLY Dude, calm down. PAUL Mike, give me some money. MIKE Hell, I ain't got any money. Shawn's paying for my food. SHAWN What? MIKE Hey, this wasn't my idea. You want me to come along you have to feed me. PAUL Dude, I need to tip that female! BILLY (teacher to student) Check it. Be cool and you'll get her without the tip. Just relax and be like me. Now, everyone just chill out and let's get some food. Under protest everyone checks out their menus. Out of nowhere Cody and Dakota scare everyone in the establishment. CODY Man, I can't eat this shit! DAKOTA Shawn, you asshole! This food blows Cody's shithole! I'm surprised they even have "Dr. Pepper." SHAWN Shhh... dude, just keep looking you'll find something. Get some eggs. DAKOTA I ain't eatin' no ovaries. SHAWN What? DAKOTA Eggs come from ovaries. That's why you don't go down on a chick. Next thing you know you'll have a sperm filled egg salad shoot out on your face. Everyone at the table agrees but Shawn. SHAWN You people are idiots. Billy spots Ann coming back with the drinks. BILLY (whispers to Paul) Be smooth, dude and you'll nail it. Just don't say anything stupid. PAUL Got it. The guys continue to work on the menus while Ann serves the drinks. ANN You guys find anything you want yet? PAUL "Country Toast." What's that -- the redneck version of French Toast? CODY Just give us some food, female! SHAWN Dude, calm down. CODY No, why should we? Look I ain't getting any. Paul sure as hell ain't getting any. PAUL You got that right! CODY So, why should we play nice if we ain't getting a piece of anybody's action?! PAUL That song rules! DAKOTA Indeed! Mick Mars, guitar god! Cody whips out a rolled up BATGIRL comic from his back pocket and stands up. CODY I'm going to the bathroom. Cody makes off for the head. ANN Uh... so what are you guys getting? BILLY Give me something with cheese on it. Then double up on the cheese. Then double up on that cheeses. ANN You want six toppings of cheese? BILLY Yeah. SHAWN No wonder you never take a crap! I knew you were full of it for a good reason! BILLY I don't like taking a crap, dude. It's disgusting. (to Ann) But, if you don't have anything with cheese on it I'll take some "Flinstone's Cereal" straight out of the box. No milk. (on second thought) No, wait. Just bring the box. ANN (to Mike) Okay, what do you want? MIKE Give me the most expensive thing on the menu. SHAWN Dude. MIKE I'm just playing. Give me two plates of the most expensive thing you got. SHAWN Mike! MIKE All right, just give me some brownies. BILLY They got brownies? MIKE Yeah. (points at menu) Country Style Brownies. Shawn reads Mike's menu. SHAWN That's Country Style Bagels. MIKE Well, shit I can't read. Give me the bagels then. ANN (to Shawn) What do you want, darling? SHAWN Give me the kids meal. ANN You want the kids meal? SHAWN Yeah, it's the cheapest thing on here. ANN (to Dakota) What's heading your way sweetie? DAKOTA Give me the pork-chops, mash potatoes and corn. And a bottle of A one Stake Sauce for the chops. ANN All right. (to Paul) Back to you, babe. EVERYONE AT TABLE He'll have the kosher meal. DAKOTA Jew. PAUL I'm good with just the "Dr. Pepper." For all I know you're making my food on the same stuff your making the pig on. I don't want any sin on my pizza. ANN What pizza? PAUL Don't worry about it. It's just one my expressions -- A WOMAN SCREAMS O.S.! Every turns around to see Cody running back to the table buttoning his pants up. BILLY Dude, what happened? CODY Man, I was jerking -- using the bathroom and some chick walked in on me. BILLY Dude, why did a chick walk into the mens room? CODY I don't know, but its kinda wussy looking in there and they don't have any urinals and they sell tampons. Cody whips out a tampon and shows it to everyone. DAKOTA Haha, you dumbass, you went into the women's room! CODY Oh. PAUL Did you get finished in the bathroom? CODY No. I'm going to be backed-up for a week. MIKE Blue-balls is bitch. I had that when I was filming Cream Savers. Get it? Cream... savers. Everyone stares at Mike. MIKE (CONT'D) (cont'd) Man, you people don't know what's funny. ANN (to Cody) What do you want to eat? CODY Chicken fried lobster. DAKOTA What the heck is chicken friend lobster? CODY I don't know but I want it. ANN We don't have it. CODY Give me some broccoli in a doggie bag with some of that white dressing stuff. ANN All right. I'll be back with your food in a few minutes. Ann heads off with everyone staring at her, well, you remember. PAUL (staring) I hate my life. Cody starts unwrapping the tampon package but he's having some trouble with it. DAKOTA What are you doing? CODY I'm taking this out. BILLY Why? CODY I don't know. (to the tampon) Come on, open. Cody grabs tightly and RIPS it open. The tampon FLIES through the air. Several tables over a MAN lifts up his glass and gets ready to take a drink. He turns to his WIFE as the tampon DROPS into this glass and SUCKS up his drink. BILLY Whoa, dude, those things actually work! (stands up) Dude, check it! The freak over here just threw a tampon into your drink! 26 EXT. COUNTRY COOKING - LATER 26 Our heros, sans Paul, are standing outside the School Bus waiting on him. DAKOTA What's taking him so long? BOOM! Paul runs out front door of the restaurant. Walking out behind him are two very familiar girls. GOTH CHICK and DEREK'S GIRLFRIEND (well, Ex-girlfriend)! DAKOTA (CONT'D) (cont'd) Fuck! What are they doing here? CODY Hey, yo, Goth Chick! You -- CHERRY My name isn't Goth Chick, it's Cherry! RACHEL And my name is Rachel not "Derek's Girlfriend" Dakota! CODY (to Dakota chuckling) What a bunch of stupid names. BILLY Hey, what are you chicks doing here? CHERRY We're here to make sure Cody and Dakota don't do anything stupid. DAKOTA Aww, shit. It's the Motley Crue "No Fun Tour" all over again when Sharon wouldn't let Ozzy and the boys have any fun. The girls head towards the bus but Mike takes a stand for all men in front at the bus door. MIKE (laughing) You ain't going anywhere. BAM! Cherry kicks Mike in the NUTS dropping him like a sack of potatoes. SHAWN Fixed your blue ball problem didn't she, Mike? The girls get on the bus while Cody and Dakota pick up Mike and carry him onto the bus. CUT TO: 27 INT. BUS - LATER 27 A more somber and quieter group of heros ride along with a sad look on their faces. Oh, but the girls are having a splendid time! Paul sits next to Cody who is munching away LOUDLY on his BROCCOLI with his mouth OPEN. For the longest time Paul tries to ignore it but Cody won't stop! An ANNOYED Paul slowly turns his head and looks at Cody. Cody smiles at Paul and offers him some broccoli. Paul shakes his head, "No." Cody shakes his head, "Okay." Paul turns back and looks out the window. Cody chows down even louder. Our ears burst with loud, munching, sucking, SMACKING, CRUNCHING! Ahh! PAUL Damn it! CODY What?! PAUL Quit it! CODY What?! PAUL That -- food! CODY What?! PAUL You're annoying me! Stop it! CODY I'm just eating. PAUL No! No, you're not! You're annoying me! Go do your yum-yum, eat'em up, eat'em up, yum's somewhere else! CODY Where am I suppose to go?! PAUL I don't care! BILLY Guys! Chill out! We need to work on our act! We don't have time for this. DAKOTA Where are we playing at first? BILLY Disco club. DAKOTA What?! BILLY Check it. It's one of those retro places that just opened. They're desperate for bands. So we got a good deal. CODY Dude. BILLY Yeah? CODY I hate you! CUT TO: 28 EXT. DISCO CLUB - NIGHT 28 A crowed parking lot can only mean one thing -- 29 EXT. DISCO CLUB - STAGE - NIGHT 29 A packed house. This time all dressed in seventy's threads. Up on stage is who else but our favorite band. PAUL How ya' doin' people? The crowd is doing good tonight. PAUL (CONT'D) (cont'd) All right, well. Before we do this first song I'm going to tell you a true story about the guy who wrote it. (beat) Several years ago he was running around the United States rocking and rollin'. One night he's walking down the hallway of his hotel and he saw this beautiful girl walking down the hall. (beat) Now, I don't have to tell you but he... LOVES... GIRLS! He loves them eyes. (beat) Anyway -- he's walking down the hallway and he sees this beautiful girl walkin' past him and he's thinking he should go get some sleep but he looked at her and tried to be REAL cool. Paul reaches behind his guitar and pulls up a "collapsible" TOP HAT and pops the top of it and puts it on his head and does a quick DANCE STEP in time with Billy's drums. PAUL (CONT'D) (cont'd) And he looked at her. And he tired to resist her. But Lord when he kissed her, he said, "Baby... I WAS MADE FOR LOVIN' YOU!" Billy, Dakota and Cody kick into a suped up version of "I WAS MADE FOR LOVIN' YOU". The crowd loves it! Paul goes up to the mic for the first verse then-- PAUL (CONT'D) (cont'd) (calmly) Fuck. The band stops playing. DAKOTA What is it? PAUL I forgot how to play the rest of the song. DAKOTA Haha! BILLY Dude, how can you forget how to play it? CODY 'Cause he sucks. PAUL No, Gene sucks. He's the one who started singing the lyrics to "Rock 'n' Roll All Nite" while singing "Let Me Go Rock 'n' Roll" on the video I got. CODY That didn't happen! Gene never messes up! PAUL He did that night! CODY Liar! Cody CHARGES. Paul DODGES. Cody NAILS Dakota instead. Poor Dakota FLIES off the stage into the UNSUSPECTING CROWD taking out two rows. Dakota jumps back up and aims the head of his guitar at Cody and makes SHOOTING motions with it. DAKOTA Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! CODY What are you doing? DAKOTA Dang it! Billy you were suppose to Billy-rig this thing like Ace's guitar to shoot rockets! BILLY Yeah, I didn't do that. DAKOTA Why not? BILLY 'Cause I don't care. PAUL Um, guys. (points off stage) Look. Everyone turns to see an EMPTY CLUB with just Shawn and the girls sitting in the seats. Mike helps himself to an empty bar. BILLY Oh, crap! Everyone left! CODY Man, we suck. CUT TO: 30 EXT. MOTEL 6 - NIGHT 30 The bus, taking up several parking spaces, is parked outside the Motel 6. 31 INT. MOTEL 6 - BAND'S ROOM - NIGHT 31 Everyone is huddle together as a serious problem has just been sprung on the band. The room has only -- CHERRY One bed? MIKE Hey, it's cool. The girls can get the bed -- BILLY And I'll get my camcorder! MIKE Yeah! CODY No way, I want some poontang! And damn it, I'm tired of getting Paul's sloppy seconds! My dick won't fit in their asshole when he's done with them! PAUL (giggles) I got a big dick. SHAWN Wait, how are we going to do this? MIKE Well, you see Shawn, when you have an orgy -- BILLY I got some Easy Glide in the bus! RACHEL What do you have easy glide for? BILLY I don't know. In case I meet a chick from Sweden. RACHEL What does that have to do with anything? BILLY Well, you know how Swedish chicks are. RACHEL No. BILLY Oh come on, you know. RACHEL No. BILLY Mikey knows. MIKE (big smile) Yeah, I do. CODY Hell with this! You guys figure out the sleeping arrangements I'm taking a walk. Cody leaves the room. BILLY (to Rachel) Are you a whore? RACHEL No. BILLY Oh... cause I heard you were. RACHEL No. BILLY (a long beat) So... if you were a whore, how much would you cost? 32 EXT. MOTEL 6 - NIGHT 32 Cody walks around outside the motel and spots a GAS STATION across the street. Cody shrugs -- might as well. 33 INT. GAS STATION - MOMENTS LATER 33 Cody walks around the station and spots some SCRATCH AND WIN Lotto tickets next to the register. Cody digs into his front pocket and pulls out a handful of CASH. CUT TO: 34 EXT. MOTEL 6 - MORNING 34 A bright beautiful sun shines down upon the Motel 6. A great omen for our hero's. SUPER: WEDNESDAY BILLY (O.S.) YOU DID WHAT?! 35 INT. MOTEL 6 - BAND'S ROOM - MORNING 35 Cody sits on the bed with a guilty look. CODY I blew all the money on lotto tickets. DAKOTA Ahh! You ass! SHAWN Who put Cody in charge of watching the money?! Cody slowly raises his hand. SHAWN (CONT'D) (cont'd) Who didn't object to it?! Billy, Dakota and Paul slowly raise their hands. SHAWN (CONT'D) (cont'd) Great. PAUL Hey, wait. I got a plan. DAKOTA What? PAUL Isn't the comic-con thing this weekend? DAKOTA Yeah. CUT TO: 36 INT. COMIC-CON - OPEN FLOOR - DAY 36 Shawn, Paul and Dakota are on the floor of the Comic-Con. Paul is wearing PAUL STANLEY MAKEUP and a RIC FLAIR style ROBE while holding a sign written in CRAYON: THE PAUL STANLEY GUITAR/RIC FLAIR RETIREMENT FUN. Dakota and Shawn stand next to Paul holding Billy's DRUM TOM TOMS upside down collecting cash. 37 AWAY FROM THE GROUP, 37 Cody walks around checking out various comics, not really interested in anything. Cody looks up from the comics and sees-- BATGIRL signing autographs. Cody stares in awe. Batgirl notices him looking at her and waves to him with a smile. Cody grins ear to ear and waves back. Batgirl giggles while continuing to sign autographs as she keeps looking back to Cody every now and then. Cherry walks up behind Cody and notices the interaction between Cody and his goddess. CHERRY What are you doing? Cody continues to smile. CHERRY (CONT'D) (cont'd) Cody? CODY Why can't that be you? CHERRY What? CODY Look at her. She's beautiful. CHERRY And what am I? CODY Not her. (Cody waves again) Hey, baby. Batgirl waves back. Cherry sighs in disgust. CHERRY Gee, Cody do you want me to go and see if she'll sleep with you? CODY Would you? Cherry grabs Cody by the arm and walks up to Batgirl who finishes up with some autographs. BATGIRL Hello. CHERRY Hi. For some reason My boyfriend is infatuated with you even though you're just a slut in a rubber suit. CODY And a beautiful slut at that. CHERRY Anyway, he want's to have sex with you. So if you're on a break in the near future will you please bang my boyfriend. BATGIRL (huge smile) Is he the one in the KISS make-up? CODY What?! Cody turns around and notices that from across the floor Paul is a straight shot from where Cody was standing. She was waving at him all along! Paul waves to Batgirl. She waves back. CHERRY (huge smile) Yep, that's him! CODY What?! BATGIRL Oh, hell yeah. Bring him over here. CODY What?! CHERRY I'll be right back. Come on Cody. CODY What?! Cherry drags Cody away. OVER AT THE "FUND RAISER" Dakota and Shawn count the money in the tom-tom's while Paul watches Cody get dragged over to his spot. CHERRY Hey, Paul. Batgirl wants to pull the trigger on your love gun. PAUL Okay. CODY My life sucks! ANGLE ON - PAUL, as he runs towards Batgirl. He reaches her in no time. BATGIRL Hi. PAUL I have a telepathic link with Paul Stanley. BATGIRL I can see that. PAUL So are we gonna do it? BATGIRL This way baby. PAUL All right! Batgirl takes Paul's hand and leads him into a -- 38 INT. COMIC-CON - BACK ROOM - CONTINUOUS 38 Batgirl flips on the light and closes the door. PAUL So you finally got the job at Comic Con, huh? Batgirl pulls back her cowl. It's SHANDI, Paul's semi-love interest from the first flick. SHANDI How'd you know it was me? PAUL Do you wanna talk or do you wanna get it on? Shandi smiles and pulls the cowl back over her head. 39 INT. COMIC-CON - OPEN FLOOR - DAY 39 Cody wallows in his own shame. Out of no where BILLY walks up with a BLOND BOMBSHELL on his arm. BILLY Dude, check it! GRETCHEN (Swedish accent) I'm Gretchen from Sweden, ja? Billy turns back to Shawn and Dakota with huge smile. Billy couldn't be more prouder of his find. BILLY It's Gretchen from Sweden, ja?! SHAWN Oh, gees Bill. BILLY What? Hey, I'm just spreading American joy and sperm across this great land of ours. GRETCHEN Ja, American. BILLY Dude, where's Mike I want him to see this? CODY He's over there with the Asian chicks. BILLY What? Cody points to a -- HENTAI BOOTH filled with beautiful Japanese women dressed in school girl outfits. Mike is talking up a storm then points to his CROTCH. SLAP! The girls knock the taste out of Mike's mouth. They raise their hands to slap him again, Mike runs like hell towards Billy. MIKE Fucking french! AT THE "FUND RAISER", Mike makes it back in one piece. MIKE (CONT'D) (cont'd) (noticing Gretchen) Hey, now who's this? GRETCHEN I'm Gretchen from Sweden, ja? BILLY She's Gretchen from Sweden, ja! MIKE Where'd you get her at? BILLY At the refreshment stand. CODY I could be getting refreshed by Batgirl if Paul didn't suck. DAKOTA Haha! CODY Shut up, Dakota! MIKE What is it? DAKOTA Cody saw a chick dressed as Batgirl and he thought she wanted him, so Goth Chick, or whatever the hell her name is, asked Batgirl if she would do her boyfriend and she thought it was Paul -- CODY Shut up! DAKOTA And she said "yes" and now Paul's getting -- CODY Fuck you! I don't need you! Cody storms off and runs into a pissed off Paul. CODY (CONT'D) (cont'd) Fuck you! PAUL Eat Trent's ass! CODY Suck Marilyn's dick! PAUL How can I when Twiggy's mouth is on it?! CODY I'm going to kill you! PAUL (motions like the Rock) JUST BRING IT! CODY (rolling back his sleeves) Yeah, well I'm about to but this isn't going to be a fair fight! PAUL You know what? You're right. How about this? I'll fight you with one arm tied behind my back and my dick in your girlfriend's ass! CODY I'm going to kick your ass, Rocky! PAUL Let's see what you got, Kidman! DAKOTA MORTAL KOMBAT! The Mortal Kombat THEME SONGS blasts. Cody and Paul get ready for battle. DAKOTA (CONT'D) (cont'd) (Mortal Kombat voice) Fight! Cody and Paul charge each other. Cody goes for a CLOTHESLINE, Paul ducks. Cody turns around -SMACK!- Paul CHOPS Cody's chest. COMIC-CON CROWD Whoooooo! DAKOTA (Mortal Kombat Voice) Excellent. Paul struts around like RIC FLAIR and follows it up with a giant -- PAUL WHOOOOOO! Cody looks over and sees a metal chair spaced between him and Paul. Cody runs towards the chair-- CODY AIR SABU! Cody uses the chair and SPRINGBOARDS off of it crashing into Paul sending them both to the ground. Uninjured, Cody gets up and poses like Sabu. The crowd pumps their fists into the air chanting. COMIC-CON CROWD ECW! ECW! ECW! Cody poses for too long as Paul crawls over and grabs another chair. Cody turns around, Paul throws the chair at Cody's face. Cody catches the chair only to have Paul give him a VANDAMNANTOR! COMIC-CON CROWD (CONT'D) (cont'd) RVD! RVD! RVD! RVD! Paul gets distracted and showboats to the crowd with a huge smile. PAUL Yeah, that's right. That's why I'm everybodies favorite wrestler -- PAUL WITH THE CROWD (Paul poses like ROB VAN DAM) ROB... VAN... DAM! Paul turns to Cody but the fans continue. COMIC-CON CROWD THE WHOLE FUCKING SHOW! PAUL (turns to the crowd) Yeah, all right. Cody shakes it off and takes of running towards the PINK POWER RANGER who is innocently watching the fight and pulls off her helmet reveling the hot woman inside. Without heisting Cody rams his tongue down her throat and turns back to Paul. CODY HA! Paul runs over to the YELLOW RANGER and rips off the helmet and without heisting Paul kisses the ranger then turns back to Cody. Wait a minute. Paul turns back to the Ranger. For some reason it's not an hot Asian girl like on the first season but a dorky ASIAN MAN! DAKOTA (confused) Liu Kang? Paul stares for a beat then. PAUL (horrified) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! YELLOW RANGER (horrified) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Cody takes advantage of the situation and runs full speed towards Paul and WHACKS him in the head with the Helmet -- BOING! The helmet bounces off Paul's head and flies straight towards Billy's face. BILLY Aww, not again. BAM! The helmet knocks Billy out cold. The music stops. Dakota looks down at Billy. DAKOTA (Mortal Kombat voice) Flawless victory. (beat) (Mortal Kombat voice) Fatality. CUT TO: 40 INT. BUS - DAY 40 A sad Paul sits in the back of the bus removing his makeup. Up front Shandi is reunited with the girls who are helping her wipe off the black makeup from around her eyes from her Batgirl costume -- she's now in normal clothing. CODY Sorry, dude. PAUL Yeah. BILLY What's wrong, dude? PAUL Nothing. BILLY Are you sure? PAUL Yes. DAKOTA I don't know. (motions towards Shandi) After banging that I wouldn't be all sad and blue. CODY Dude, she's hot. DAKOTA I know. MIKE So, how was it? PAUL Dude, I don't talk about my sexual escapades. Suddenly it hits Dakota. DAKOTA You forgot to pull out didn't you? Dude, that's okay. If she has a boy we'll train it in the ways of rock 'n' roll. If it's a girl... we'll promise to keep Mike away from her. MIKE What's that suppose to mean? PAUL No, it's not that. CODY She didn't swallow did she? Man, I hate it when they spit. That's shit's nasty, it gets everywhere. PAUL (stands up) No, damn it. I can't get it up! The guys are in silence then LAUGHTER erupts. CODY Haha! The love gun is shooting blanks! DAKOTA Shooting blanks, hell it can't even load. CODY Dude, you know what? Remember that thing about the arm behind his back and his dick in my girlfriend's ass? If he couldn't get it up for his woman how the hell could he get it up for mine! Cherry looks back and gives Cody a PISSED OFF look. Cody quickly stops laughing. DAKOTA Maybe she's a hermaphrodite? Haha! MIKE I'd fuck a Hermes. The laughter stops. BILLY Dude. MIKE Hey, imagine a supermodel with my ten foot poll. Silence. BILLY Dude, what are you talking about? MIKE Just think about it. BILLY NO! MIKE All right. Imagine Gretchen with your's. BILLY Dude, she'd kill me if she had my skin-beater attached to her. PAUL Dude, are you saying you'd bend over if she had one? BILLY Yeah, I mean wouldn't you if -- I mean, no! CODY Hey, now wait a minute, I'd let a chick do me with my Dragon's Tail. DAKOTA Hey, I don't like this conversation! CODY What, you wouldn't do yourself? DAKOTA No! CODY You never even thought about having a clone of yourself to -- DAKOTA Dude, have you seen what I look like?! CODY Yeah, I wouldn't fuck myself if I was you either. DAKOTA Fuck you, Earthling! CODY I'm not an Earthling! I'm a Demon! I... AM... GENE SIMMONS (sticking his tongue out) BLAHHHHHH! Bill finally takes control of the situation. BILLY Look we need a band name, damn it. PAUL Heck with it, let's just call the band "Wolford" and get it over with. I mean who else is going to use that for a band name. Plus, it sounds cool to yell out at a rock show. (throws his fist in the air) WOLFORD!!!!!! DAKOTA Alright. CODY Why not? BILLY Cool. All right, now we need to make a stop to get some gear for our show tomorrow night. Shawn! SHAWN Yeah?! BILLY Check it! Pull in at the first Meyers you see! We need to buy some props! SHAWN Got it! DAKOTA Meyers? What kind of stage props are we going to get there? CUT TO: 41 INT. VFW - NIGHT 41 A packed house of RETIRED SOLDIERS, WIVES, SONS and DAUGHTERS. Smiles across the board as we hear a group belting out the opening verse of THE SHIRELLES classic song, "SOLDIER BOY" to a round of applause. GROUP (O.S.) (singing) Soldier boy! Oh, my little Soldier boy, I'll be true to you! The Stage's curtain opens up. Everyone in the Audience Gasps. The camera PANS around and we see "Wolford" up on stage wearing SHORT BLUE SEQUIN DRESSES and HIGH HEELS and a shitload of MAKEUP! All four are standing side-by-side moving back and forth to a choreographed number. The stand out is Dakota as he is the only one with his instrument while everyone else is being backed up by the local VFW band who are also in shock. The boy's continue their number. WOLFORD (singing) You were my first love, and you'll be my last love, I will never make you blue, I'll be true to you! (beat) In the whole world, you can love but only one girl, let me be that one girl, for I'll be true to you. All right time for the solo! Dakota staggers out from his place and takes center stage unfortunately there's a problem. Whatever he's wearing under his dress keeps riding up on him. Every chance Dakota gets he reaches behind his back and pulls something down then quickly swing his hand back around and plays the next note. The rest of the band notices Dakota's action's while they continue their dance number. Something rides up again and Dakota reaches back then he stops playing all together and turns back to the band in tears. CODY (mouthing to Dakota) What is it? Dakota lifts up his right hand to the band. There's something missing... his GUITAR PICK. DAKOTA (mouthing to Paul) It's up my ass. Paul motions Dakota to join the rest of the band again. Dakota heads over to the band walking like he has a stick (or guitar pick) up his ass. Like a real trooper Dakota finishes out the rest of the song with the band. Sadly no standing ovation, just a bunch of stares from the stunned audience. CUT TO: 42 EXT. MOTEL 6 #2 - NIGHT 42 Another Motel six in a different city stares out at us as we hear horrifying screams coming from one of the rooms. DAKOTA (O.S.) Ahh! 43 EXT. MOTEL 6 #2 - BAND'S ROOM - NIGHT 43 All the guys are in the motel room, a change of clothes for the band has happened. Everyone is sitting on the bed trying their best not to laugh as they hear farts echoing into the toilet and Dakota screaming in the bathroom. DAKOTA (O.S.) Empty farts! All I'm getting out of my ass are empty farts! Ahh, shit not even a wet one! PAUL Grin and bear it, Ace! DAKOTA (O.S.) Ahh! Fuck you, you son of a bitch that's not funny! Errrrrr! (long beat) Errrrr! (longer beat) GET OUT OF MY ASS! ERRRRRR! BILLY Do you need some help in there? DAKOTA (O.S.) NO! Ahh, dude it feels like I'm having a baby! Oh, my baby's head is going to be a purple guitar pick with a black turtle on it! Paul stops laughing. PAUL Hey -- that's my guitar pick! DAKOTA (O.S.) Hahahahahaha! CODY That's it. Cody jumps up and grabs Billy's duffle bag and opens it up. BILLY Dude, what are you doing? Cody pulls out a RUBBER GLOVE. SHAWN (confused) Bill, what are you doing with that? BILLY Uh... I... was thinking about doing that Howie Mandel thing where he blew up the glove on his head during my drum solo... thingy. Cody SNAPS the glove on. DAKOTA (O.S.) What was that?! Cody heads towards the bathroom door and -BOOM!- kicks it open. CODY Bend over, bitch! DAKOTA (O.S.) Ahh! Cody slams the door shut. As soon as he does a GIGANTIC load of shit is heard flying into the toilet. The door handle rattles uncontrollably then falls off. CODY (O.S.) NO! Help! Get me out of here! Ohh, damn it, Dakota flush! The toilet is heard flushing then overflowing! DAKOTA (O.S.) It's overflowing! CODY Ahh! Get me out, get me out! Everyone runs out of the room. DAKOTA (O.S.) No, don't leave us! CUT TO: 44 EXT. MOTEL 6 #2 - BACK - LATER 44 Dakota and Cody are swishing around the motel's pool. Shawn and the guys pour every washing material known to man into the pool. SHAWN This is taking forever. MIKE I think the pool was to dirty to start with. BILLY I think it's Dakota's shit. DAKOTA Could be. CODY What do you mean, "could be?" We're here because of you. DAKOTA No, we're here because Billy booked that show. BILLY Hey, I didn't tell you to wear a thong under that dress. DAKOTA What was I suppose to wear? BILLY Freebag like me, man. I don't wear anything. DAKOTA Ewww, dude. I didn't want to know that. CODY Oh, so that's why you never wash underwear. I thought you had some kind of stinky underwear fetish. BILLY No, that was in the eighties. PAUL Hey, look it's coming off, just give it time. Gee, it's not like we're going anywhere tomorrow. CODY Oh, yeah, especially since... we're on TOUR and the Rock Festival is FRIDAY! PAUL Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. 45 EXT. MOTEL 6 #2 - CHICKS' ROOM - NIGHT 45 Shandi is sitting on her bed in her bathrobe with her thoughts. Cherry, Rachel and Gretchen are tying their robes. RACHEL You sure you don't want to swim, Shandi? SHANDI Yeah. Cherry heads over to Shandi's bed and sits at the foot of it. CHERRY (to Shandi) Well? SHANDI Well...? CHERRY What's the deal with you and Paul. SHANDI Nothing. There is no deal. RACHEL Yeah and that's why you slammed that girls head into the locker when she called him "the school-- SHANDI I didn't do it because of that. RACHEL Then why? SHANDI Because. CHERRY Because what? SHANDI That was an argument between me and her. It wasn't about Paul. CHERRY Uh-huh. SHANDI Look, it's...complicated. RACHEL How? SHANDI It just is. CHERRY He told you he liked you didn't he? SHANDI Yes. CHERRY So what's the problem? Don't you like him? SHANDI Kinda. CHERRY Kinda? SHANDI We were at the theater and I made a move and he did nothing in return. RACHEL Maybe he was just being a nice guy, you know? He didn't want to make a move the first night out. He didn't know how you would react or he didn't want to hurt your feelings. Plus it wasn't a date right? SHANDI I don't think that is it. Look, he's...all right. RACHEL All right? SHANDI Well, he does have that long hair thing going for him and he's got good taste in music...he can't play it but he has it. I just don't think he's the dateable type. He's the type who can't be in one place to long and needs the freedom to just go whenever he feels. He wouldn't cheat on me but he just couldn't be there. RACHEL I'm not buying that free spirit crap. CHERRY Nope. SHANDI You don't have to. CHERRY What happened today at the comic con? SHANDI Nothing happened. CHERRY Nothing happened? SHANDI No. CHERRY So you two went into the back room and nothing happened. Not even a hug or kiss? SHANDI Well...I think he wanted to but in the end he left. RACHEL What did you say to him to make him so angry? SHANDI Nothing. I think he knows or believes that we're not going to happen so he just spun a tale to get the attention off of me. CHERRY You're not going to reconsider it? SHANDI I don't know. CHERRY Can you even picture what it would be like with him? I mean if you two actually got over this stumbling block - whatever it is - that's between you guys and you tried? Shandi looks down at the bed in deep thought. DISSOLVE TO: 46 INT. HOSPITAL DELIVERY ROOM - DAY 46 SUPER: THE FUTURE. HOLLYWOOD, CA A typical delivery room. Shandi is laying on the bed. A contraction hits and she lets everyone know about it from her SCREAMS of pain. Next to her stands Paul wiping the sweat off her brow. PAUL (coaching) You're doing good, baby. You're gonna pop that little fucker out in no time. The pain ends for now and Shandi lays her head back. She's exhausted. SHANDI (weakly) I'm so tried. Paul slides the hair out of her eyes and kisses her on the forehead. PAUL Don't worry you're going to get trough this, I know you will. You're the strongest person I know...you're not prettier then me but you are stronger. Shandi manages a small chuckle as a lone tear runs along her face. Paul wipes her tear away and tenderly kisses her on the lips. He lays his head next to hers and softly brushes the side of her face with his fingers. Shandi closes her eyes taking comfort and refuge in his caress. SHANDI (weakly) I love you. PAUL (whispers) I love you, too. BILLY (O.C.) Check it. This is going to look great on the next DVD. The conception would sell more units though. Paul and Shandi look over and see BILLY holding a camcorder recording the delivery. SHANDI (weakly) Billy. May I see your camcorder? BILLY Sure. Billy walks over and hands her the camcorder. Shandi gently takes it from him. SHANDI (weakly) Thank you. BILLY No-- WHAM! Shandi NAILS Billy in the nuts with it. Billy drops to the floor as another contraction HITS Shandi. PAUL Okay, here we go! Breathe. Come on, breathe. SHANDI Ahh, what the hell do you think I'm doing, Jewboy?! Paul backs away and walks over to the Doctor. PAUL How's it going? DOCTOR Great. I've been delivering babies for thirty years and this is the smoothest delivery I've ever had. Paul looks down at the Doctor, a thought soon comes to mind. PAUL Hey, I just thought of something. DOCTOR What's that? PAUL You're looking at my wife's stuff! DOCTOR I kinda have to that's where the baby comes from. PAUL Hell, no! I'm not letting anyone look at my wife's-- Paul storms over to where the Doctor is sitting and gets a look between Shandi's legs. Paul's eyes widen in horror. PAUL (CONT'D) (cont'd) Dude, what the hell is that thing! The Doctor looks up at Paul and slides his surgical mask down. DOCTOR (slowly) It's a vagina. PAUL Ewww, that's what they look like? DOCTOR You're the father are you not? PAUL Yeah. DOCTOR Well, then you've seen one before, namely hers. PAUL Well, not really. DOCTOR What? PAUL Well, it was dark and she was on top and I wasn't really paying attention-- SHANDI What?! PAUL (didn't hear Shandi) I was thinking about the football game the next day 'cause I just bet five hundred dollars on it-- SHANDI You did what?! Paul turns to |