Comedy scripts

Trip
By Conrad Brown

When does reality become fiction?

TRIP n. (short) journey for pleasure; Stumble; inf. Hallucinatory experience
caused by drugs!

(COLLINS ENGLISH DICTIONARY)

You are in a dead-end job, have no direction, no passport, no money and you're
approaching twenty-one!

But at least you have your health.

Well, that was what you thought - until the cruel hand of fate deals you a
vicious blow!

With time running out, what would you do?

Who would you tell?

Who would you turn to?

What do you have to lose?

On this trip: See who Robbie encounters. Experience their highs and lows...

"TRIP" makes you question whether you're alive ...or just living!

Scene 1:

A few years ago, school playground 10:30am.

The camera pans long shot - obviously not quite break time yet, as there are no
pupils about. You can hear shouting as Robbie runs out through a set of double
doors, towards the viewer with five or six lads chasing him.

Robbie is wearing shorts with black Doctor Martin shoes, scuffed and not looking
cool. One of the boys manages to kick Robbie's legs out from under him. They
pile on him, punching and kicking him.

Boy 1: "Its OK get off him, I got it! Next time... just hand it over"

Just before they let him go Robbie gets a real hard punch to the ear.

Robbie starts to get up, the lads have walked off laughing and dividing Robbie's
dinner money amongst themselves.

Saminda: (A Sikh boy, wearing a turban - smartly dressed in a blazer with a
local accent). "Robbie, why don't you just give them your dinner money ...it's a
lot easier than getting a beating everyday."

Robbie: Looking very upset holding back tears. "That's not the point they
should not get away with it!"

Saminda: "I know they shouldn't - but you're new, you just got to blend in
otherwise you have had it!"

Robbie: "Saminda, this isn't fair man, I'm not coming to school to get the crap
kicked out of me everyday."

Scene 2:

Inside, school corridor - afternoon

Robbie is coming out of a classroom three lads slightly older year above are
waiting for him.

Lad 1: "'You the new kid?"

Robbie: "No, not that new... I've been here a week.

Robbie gets a slap for being cheeky . Tries to cover his embarrassment by
forcing a laugh.

Lad 2: "You won't be laughing in a minute, give us your lunch money or have
another slap, your choice!"

Robbie: "Look... I already had my lunch money taken this morn..."

Before Robbie finishes the word, One of the lads kicks his legs away; Robbie not
only bangs his head on the wall but also hits the floor quite hard and then gets
a good hiding once on the ground. Robbie's clearly in pain when a teacher, Mr
Miller, walks past.
Mr Miller has a Scottish accent and is quite strict.

Mr Miller: "Get up lad, you're making the corridor look untidy!"

Robbie: "Do I look like I am having fun?... Can't you see I've just been
battered?

Mr Miller: "Don't be so insolent. What's your name?"

Robbie: Loudly, upset. "I am not insolent... I tell you I'm hurt... and you
don't even ask who's done this?"

Mr Miller: "I won't ask again... What's your name?"

Robbie: "Robbie, Sir."

Mr Miller: "Well Robbie... you can tell me about it at a quarter to four, your
rudeness has just earned you a detention, be at my office promptly, boy - or you
will really be hurting 'ye understand?"

Robbie: "It's 'Robbie' not 'Boy' if you don't mind! And I understand you real
clear.

Robbie's staring him out - real dagger looks.

Mr Miller: "Oh yeah... a real smart Alec are ye? No wonder the other boys are
giving ye a beating... its 'Mr. Miller' to you son, and your detentions have
just been increased to every afternoon this week."

Robbie walks off feeling a real miscarriage of justice has been done - not
taking his eyes off Mr Miller as he walks away.

Scene 3:

Robbie's family home, lunchtime.

Robbie is sat watching TV, eating his lunch of his lap; he is about thirteen
when his dad walks in... he is upset, in tears.

Robbie's Dad: "It's your mum she's got cancer."

Robbie: (Tears well-up in his eyes) "Since when?... Can they cure it?"

Robbie's Dad: "No son; some things they just can't fix! I've just come from
the hospital... its bad."

Scene 4:

School playground, Robbie is heading home 4:30pm.

Robbie is walking out the gates, he does not see a Mod swinging his scooter
helmet by the strap.

As Robbie walks past, the helmet hits him round the head - knocking him over a
fence.
Loads of kids start shouting. As he falls through the fence, he starts running
for his life.
?
Scene 5:

All the Mods starting up scooters, all screaming, real adrenalin (about nine
bikes and a couple with passengers) and then they start chasing Robbie.

Robbie is jumping over fences like an Olympic hurdler, a look of fear in his
eyes - but Robbie takes a short cut into a ditch.

Luckily, the terrain is not suitable for the bikes to follow.

Robbie sprints a few hundred feet and pops-out in a clearing. There is a large
shed, he goes inside.
?
Scene 6:

Inside the shed. Some boys have made it their den.

Lad 1: "Who the fuck are you?... Coming in our club house, you're not on the
fucking guest list!"

Robbie: "I'm sorry I got these Mods chasing me and I was..."

Chugger: (An Indo-Asian kid with only one eye.) "You mean you bringing some
trash to our club?"

Robbie: "No... I lost them."
Chugger: "What's your name?"
Robbie: "Robbie... I'm Robbie."
Chugger: "I'm Chugger, the white boy's Darren and in the corner (pointing)
that's Elvis. (Another Asian boy with huge sideburns - looks a bit like Elvis).

Chugger: "There's an entrance fee Robbie; we got expenses... a quid should cover
it."
Robbie: "I already had my lunch money taken today."

Chugger: "You need to chill - give him a bag."

Robbie looks round and realizes Chugger is half way through smoking something
and Elvis and Darren are sniffing bags of glue.

Robbie: "I ain't into that shit!... I got to go."

Darren rushes forward grabs Robbie round the neck

Chugger: "You are now! Darren!... Don't hurt him give him a chance to get high
man. Robbie, it's your initiation!... Club rules - get inhaling; that way we
know you're not going to tell others about the club. As a member you have
privileges. We all go to the same school - in fact I saw your ass being used as
a football yesterday, correct?"

Robbie: "Yeah... I 'm the new kid."

Chugger: "You give Darren three quid - call it insurance... From now on - anyone
touches you, you tell him or her to see me."
?
Scene 7:

A GP's surgery waiting room. Low coffee table, loads of magazines on it with
Robbie sat there asleep.

Robbie wakes up and realizes he has been remembering his happy school days, he's
a bit disorientated. He looks round and sees he is not the only one sat there,
next to him is a lady with no hair and a few other people sat around him.

Robbie turns to the lady with no hair and in a dressing gown.

Robbie: "Excuse me... you don't know if they've have called my name out do
you?"
Lady with no hair: (Smiles and laughs) "It depends on what your name is!"

Robbie: "Robert... Robert White."

Lady with no hair: "No they haven't. You looked like you were having a good
sleep."
Robbie: "That's why I'm here... I seem to need so much sleep these days, and the
weird thing is... my dreams seem so real. Why are you here?"

Lady with no hair: "I've got a tumour in my brain... and it's too big to
operate, so I have chemotherapy to help with the pain.

Robbie: "Shit!... I'm sorry, I don't know what I'd do if that was happening to
me. You seem so well apart from the hair thing!"

Lady with no hair: "Robert...." Before she could get the next word out...

Robbie: "I prefer 'Robbie.'"

Lady with no hair: "Ok, Robbie..." She takes Robbie's hand and looks him in
the eyes and says, "Robbie if this happened to you, you would be strong you
have no choice!"

Robbie's face expresses an uncomfortable look. Scared, he glances at a table
covered in magazines and selects one showing how picturesque certain parts of
England are. Camera shot looking at a beautiful Stonehenge scene covering two
pages.
?
Receptionist: A bit clinical & cold, shouts, "Robert White... this way please!"
Robert gets up and follows her to a room, "Just go straight in."

Scene 8:

A hospital consulting room - mid-morning.

Consultant: "I'm sorry..." Robbie has not taken much in as a bombshell has just
been dropped on him. All he hears is, "As I told you... It is inoperable;
there is, surgically, nothing we can do."

Robbie: "How long have I got?"

Consultant: "It's hard to say, but I think you really need to get your affairs
sorted quickly."

Robbie: "Tell me, months or what?"

Consultant: "I think we are talking days... a couple of weeks at most. I'm
sorry."
Robbie is speechless a look of fear and shock.

Scene 9:

Flashback: Robbie remembers holding his mums hand.
Robbie: "Why's this happening to you?"

Robbie's Mum: "Robbie you listen... this can happen to anyone, and I am not
going to be the last person you see die! You have always been tough - you look
after your dad, brother and sister. Remember... don't take life for granted it
could be you lying here!

Robbie gets goose pimples and looks as if his soul had just been cut in half.

Scene 10:

Hillingdon, outside of the hospital, present day - 11am.

It is raining. Robbie starts walking - aimlessly. He pulls his headphones up
on his ears listening to some music (trip tape).

Robbie - (viewed from behind) walking off the path onto the road.

After a short time, he walks into an off license and buys a bottle of vodka.

The camera watches him go in and come out, open the bottle - start swigging,
then carry on walking.

Scene 11:

Robbie approaches a level crossing (like St Denys), walks onto the bridge and
stands swigging from the bottle as a train passes underneath.

Scene 12:

Robbie staggers downto street level and walks through the barrier and down
the rail track. He kneels, puts the bottle down and lies with his head over the
track.

Scene 13:

A black man, about thirty, sees what Robbie has done and breaks in to a run to
close the distance. He looks with alarm as he sees a train in the distance...

Black man: "What the fuck are you doing?"

Robbie: "Fuck off! This has nothing to do with you!"

Black man: "I'm making it something to do with me! Think about the train
driver; how is he going to feel? You know what it going todo to you? It
won't be quick you know; it will probably drag you along for a while - very
nasty.

Robbie: "Look... it's the only way - you don't understand."

Black man: "Well... (Looking at the train) you got about thirty seconds, I
reckon! Come with me and I bet I can change your mind. If not I bring you
back. Deal?"

Robbie: "You reckon?"

Black man: "What you got to lose - apart from your head?"

Robbie slowly gets uppicks the bottle up and staggers off the line -
following his new acquaintance.

Black man: "Why you want to die, man?"

Robbie: "I'm dying... I ain't got long - so what's the point in living?

Black man: "The point... What's your name?"

Robbie: "Robbie."

Black man: "The point is, Robbie you fool: If ya ain't got long to live -
why the fuck do you wanna make it shorter? You don't make any sense, man."

Robbie: "What have I got to live for? It's all right for you; you probably got
everything."

Black man: "You're joking! Ha... I got jack-shit man; life ain't easy! - I just
come from the hospice where my old man's dying... He's fighting for every
breath! He's on oxygen; he's fighting a losing battle for his life. Cancer
riddled."

(Pause)

"And you want to throw yours away? You don't get it... It's not over until you
breath your last breath."

Robbie: "What should I do?"

Black man: "I don't know... but what you got to lose? Have a holiday... I
don't know... Have my ticket if you want."

Robbie: "Where to?"

Black man: "Southampton.You want it? Got to be used today; it's a
return... You want it?"
Robbie: "What's in Southampton?"

Black man: "Why don't you find out?"

Robbie: "How come you're not going back?"

Black man: "They reckon my old man's on his way out... I have to stay! You
want the ticket or not?"

Robbie: "Yeah... sure. What have I got to lose? Nice one."

Black man: (Offering the rail ticket) "Here you go! Go live your life...
don't throw it away! Enjoy what you got left."

The Black man holds his hand out in a fist and gestures Robbie to do the same.
He then taps Robbie's knuckles with his fist.

Robbie: "Cheers mate... thanks!"

Scene 14:

Robbie is walking along the pavement. It's just after lunchtime. He puts his
Walkman headset on.

Scene 15:

Waterloo Rail Station mid-afternoon. Robbie is walking through the ticket
barrier, handing his ticket to the guard.

Scene 16:

The train is moving. Robbie is on board, wearing his headset. Robbie looks at
each of his fellow passengers in-turn. When he makes eye contact, the others
glance away quickly...

Fades to a view of Robbie sleeping.

Scene 17:

Dream flashback: Minterne Way, Hayes, Middlesex - Robbie's home. Robbie is
walking home from school. Police and ambulance vehicles are outside his
house... Alarmed, he runs to his home. A uniformed PC is stationed at the
front door.

Policeman: "Sorry off limits mate 'til..."

Robbie: (cutting-in) "I live here... what's happened?"

A couple of people walk over. Robbie knows from how they are dressed that they
are Social Services or Child Welfare.

Social worker: "Its OK Constable, (then looks at Robbie) ...you must be
Robbie. I am Dawn and this is Ian. We are from Social Services... there's been
a terrible accident I'm afraid. We've collected your younger brother and sister
already. Come-on... lets go and join them.

Robbie: "Where's my dad?"

Just then two medics start walking out the house. The policeman tries to make
eye contact as
If to say, "Don't bring the body out yet." But too late... The body is already
half out the door and coming down the path towards Robbie and the social
workers. A zipped plastic body-bag looks absurdly like one in which you would
hang a wedding suite.

Robbie: (Frantic now) "What's happened?"

Dawn: "There's no easy way off saying this... It appears your dad has hung
himself."

Ian: "Its OK, we should be able to find you another family even though you are
at the upper age limit."

Dawn scowls at Ian for his tactlessness. The next moment - all hell breaks
loose as Robbie kicks Ian straight in the balls. As Ian keels over, Robbie
cracks him in the face with his elbow. The Constable, who is standing less than
a foot away, remains rooted to the spot - stunned that this fourteen year old
kid has decked the social worker.

Scene 18:

Back to the present. The train is still moving and you can see the ticket
inspector slowly moving down the carriage, checking and punching tickets. The
Trip Tape is playing in Robbie's Walkman. The Conductor taps Robbie's shoulder
to get his attention. Robbie obliges by taking his Walkman headset off.

Ticket Inspector: "Ticket please..."

Robbie: (Hands the ticket over...) "How long now?"

Ticket Inspector: "Two stops... about 15 minutes."

Scene 19:

The train comes to a stop at Southampton Central Station. Robbie gets off the
train and
walks out of the station.

Scene 20:

Southampton, just outside the station. He asks several people the way to the
city centre.

First stop Mc Donald's... he sits down outside (loads of pigeons, people
scoffing food).

He looks at a travel agent's and remembers his finances are in shit-state. He
walks over
to a sports shop.

Scene 21:

Robbie walks out of the sports shop with a purchased holdall (...a plan is
coming together). He pops next door and buys acamera and a few other things...
His holiday shopping is complete.

Robbie, now looking happier, hails a taxi and jumps in the front passenger seat.

Scene 22:

Inside the now-moving taxi. The camera is in the back, panning between Robbie
and the driver.

Taxi driver: "Where to mate?"

Robbie: "Er... Building Society please."

Taxi driver: "Which one?"

Robbie: "Any."

Taxi driver: "It'll be cheaper for you to do the building society and then
flag-down another cab mate!"

Robbie: "Look... thanks for the tip - but I'm not worried about saving a couple
of quid! Have you got a pen and papermate?"

Taxi driver: "Yeah... sure."

The taxi driver reaches down to his door panel and pulls up a small clipboard
with a writing pad on it. He hands it to Robbie.

Robbie: "Cheers! I've got to leave a note for someone; I'm off on holiday
today."

Robbie is shown writing: 'There is a bomb in the holdall - hand all the money
over! You have thirty seconds.' He tears the page off and hands the clipboard
back to the taxi driver.

Taxi driver: "Cheers... are you going anywhere nice?" The taxi is slowly
moving along the high street.

Robbie: "Yeah... Hopefully... Could you just pull up here? - I'll be two
ticks. Here's a tenner, hold up."

The taxi pulls up outside a parade of shops (camera shows a row of shops and
pans in on a building society) and Robbie gets out.

Robbie: "Wait here... I won't be long."

Scene 23:

Robbie is walking into a building society, wearing a baseball cap with it's peak
pulled down and carrying the empty sports holdall.

Scene 24:

Robbie walking out very calm - almost looking happy (the holdall now looks
really full). The camera follows him 100yds back to the taxi, where he puts the
holdall on the back seat and jumps back in the front.

Scene 25:

Inside the moving taxi.

Taxi driver: "Where to?"

Robbie: "I got a few places in mind... first of all that place with the stones
in Hampshire."

Taxi driver: "You mean Stonehenge? That's Wiltshire!"

Robbie: "Look... Just drive - we'll negotiate."

Seen from behind, the taxi accelerates and drives out of view.

The camera is now in the back seat again, capturing the back of their heads and
occasionally capturing the driver's face in the mirror.

Robbie: "I want to hire you for the week - I'll pay all the expenses, how much?
I want to see some parts of the country I've never seen before."

Taxi driver: "You're fucking mad. (he says it with a nervous laugh) Are you
for real? Or have you escaped from the loony bin?"

Robbie: "I'm real all right! ...As I said, I will pay for everything! How much
do you want?"

Taxi driver: "It would be cheaper for you to fly or coach it! But if you're
adamant, I would be your taxi for a week for eight hundred quid. Cash - no
bloody cheques... and up front too."

Robbie: "Ok... deal. Four hundred now and another four hundred at the end of
the week."

Robbie puts a hand into the holdall and pulls out �1000 nicely rapped and counts
�400 out and gives it to the driver who puts it in his pocket.

Robbie: "I am Robbie by the way..."

Taxi driver: "I'm Pete Thomas. I guess I'm your chauffeur for the week then.
Did you win the lottery?" (Cheesy music on in background)

Robbie: "Yeah... Something like that! We're going have to do something about
the music, I think my dad used to listen to this crap!"

Pete looks slightly offended as Robbie pulls out a tape and whacks it in the
cassette player.
Taxi driver: "Your old man obviously has a good taste in music? Where to? Can
I pick some clobber up? ...And you mind if I smoke?

Robbie: "Don't worry I will take you shopping for anything you need - lets head
towards Stonehenge. I ain't got a problem with you puffing mate."

M3 drive tape playing driving scene as they head towards Wiltshire. Pete
smoking constantly.
?
Scene 26:

Stonehenge.

Robbie: "I have always wanted to touch them, they're thousands of years old you
know?
Taxi driver: "You can't touch them, they're fenced-off - haven't been able to
touch them for years. Since the '70s I think. They've even got security here -
you won't even get within spitting distance."

Robbie: "Well see. Wait here... You want to touch them?"

Taxi driver: "Trust me you've got no chance."

Robbie: "You got no faith..."

Scene 27:

Stonehenge car park. Robbie is gets out of the car with a camera round his
neck. He walks towards a security guard.

Scene 28:

Robbie is face to face with the security guard.

Robbie: "Oy mate... Excuse me, any chance of getting closer to the stones?"

Security guard: "No mate, zero chance. You can write to English Heritage but I
doubt it."

Robbie: "You don't understand... I ain't got time. I am on my way out. You
know what I mean? ...Checking out without baggage!"

Security guard: "Sorry it's more than my jobs worth!"

Robbie: (Puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out �200) "Look, I will give
you this if you let me and my mate infor five minutes max. What do you
say?"

Security guard: "A couple of minutes, tops! Grab your mate quickly and follow
me."

Robbie beckons Pete with a hand motion. Pete could not look more suspicious if
he tried. The camera switches from Robbie and the security guard to Pete
running towards them in a kind of zigzag pattern.

Scene 29:

Robbie and Pete start following the security guard as he lets them through a
gate and leads them up to the stones.

Pete: "Fuckin' hell - how did you blag that one?"

Robbie: "You got to have the gift of the gab. You know what I mean, Pete?"

Scene 30:

Stonehenge - within the circle of stones. The camera pans round the stones and
finally moves-in to see Pete and Robbie touching the stones with their hands.

Pete: "They feel alive. Imagine watching the sun come up in between the stones
and everyone gathered around waiting for the exact moment - like people have
been doing for thousands of years. Amazing, don't you think?"

Robbie: "Yeah, with a Big Mac and large fries - you hungry?"

Pete: (Jovially) "You tosser!"

Security guard: "Time's up guys..."

Robbie: "Can you just take a pic?"

Robbie hands the camera over to the security guard who then takes a picture of
Robbie and Pete, then hands it back.

Scene 31:

In the car park again. Pete is shaking the hand of the security guard.

Pete: "Cheers! Nice one mate."

Robbie just winks and nods his head slightly.

Scene 32:

Back in the taxi. About 4:30pm

Pete: "Where to now?"

Robbie: "Lets go into Salisbury, get something to eat and buy some clothes..."

Pete: "It's your money..."

Robbie: "A big steak and a decent outfit. You any ideas Pete? ...D'you know
Salisbury at all?

Pete: "Yeah, I know a top-notch eating place, and a tailor's shop I used when I
was in the Army."

Robbie: "Cool. What did you do in the Army?"

Pete: "Bit of this, bit of that - no I was just a footslogger. What do you
do?"

Robbie: "I have spent the last two years working in a late night food outlet."

Pete: "You're kidding. Sounds like fun!"

Robbie: "Fuck off! I don't know how I stuck it for so long."

Scene 33:

Flashback: A late night kebab shop. About 2am.

Robbie is serving food. Lairy, drunken customers yelling at him to hurry-up.

Customer: "Oy you prick... Where's my kebab?"

Robbie: "You haven't paid - order what you want over there, mate."

The customer then takes the top off the sauce, throws it at Robbie and with a
couple of other drunken mates, tries to punch him over the counter. Total
mayhem. A normal weekend in a late night fast food takeaway.

The scene fades back to the present time, in the taxi.

Pete: "When did you leave?"

Robbie: "Today! I ain't even told 'em yet. Fuck 'em!"

They both start laughing.

Scene 34:

Salisbury city centre, 5.00pm.

Pete: "It's up here Robbie, you wont find another shop like this..."

Robbie and Pete walk into a really expensive tailor's shop, really old
fashioned.

Tailor: "Can I help you gentlemen?"

Robbie: "Pete, get what ever you want."

Pete: "Are you sure mate? This ain't C&A ...it costs a fortune in here. I
don't want to take the piss."

Robbie: "Listen, it's my money and I really don't mind. This is my week and I
insist - get what ever you want."

Pete: "Ok... Christmas is early. (Pete turns his head to the tailor) Can I
see some fabric? Robbie, what kind of suit d'you want?"

Robbie: "I don't know... I never had one, what you getting?"

Pete: "Black, double-breasted gangster look - what do you reckon?"

Robbie: (To the tailor)"Great! I'll have one as well... One each."

Tailor: "When will you be collecting them, Sir?"

Robbie: "I want them in about an hour. I'm going for a quick bite to eat. Is
that OK?

Tailor: "That's impossible, Sir. This is a bespoke tailor; our suits take at
least one week - even on special order. You would also be required to attend at
least one fitting as well, Sir."

Pete: "Sorry... I didn't think. They've got to measure-up, cut fabric and all
sorts here. We'll have to go to a shop which sells them off-the-peg."

Robbie whispers something in the tailor's ear. All of a sudden the tailor is
barking out commands and all the staff come over and start measuring them both
up.

Tailor: "An hour it is, Sir. Say 6:30. I'll stay open."

Pete: "What did you say to him?"

Robbie: "Lets just say I offered him an incentive."

They both exit the shop, laughing.

Scene 35:

Pete and Robbie walk into a rather exclusive restaurant. They are approached by
an efficient looking waiter.

Robbie: "Table for two please."

Pete: "Yeah, they do a great steak here."

Waiter: "Smoking or non-smoking sir?"

Pete: "Non-smoking."

Robbie: "You smoke..."

Pete: "Yeah..."

Robbie: "How come you don't want to sit in a smoking area?"

Pete: "Well I figured you don't smoke, you're paying - your choice."

Robbie: "We will take a smoking table."

Waiter: "This way please..."

The waiter shows them to their seats and adjusts their chairs with an efficient
flourish.

Waiter: "Would you like to see the wine list, Sir?"

Robbie: "No, I want a lager - a large one. Pete will 'ave the sameso make
it two, 'prenday?

The waiter disappears and within a few minutes returns with the drinks.

Waiter: "Would you like to order now?"

Robbie: "What you having, Pete?"

Pete: "A big, juicy, bloody steak."

Robbie: "Yeah, I'll have the same. I want it so rare its still mooing."

Pete: "I want to be able to feel its pulse."

Robbie: "I want mine to look like it needs a sanitary towel instead of chips,
served with it!"

The waiter looks traumatised.

There is an awkward silence; Robbie said it a bit too loud and other people are
looking like they are going to be sick

Pete: "Steady mate..."

Its amazing how quick a couple plates of food come up from the kitchen when they
want to get rid of you. The waiter hurries off with their order... Next shot:
grub's up.

Pete: "Fuck... That was quick!"

Robbie: (Again a bit loud) "I guess they don't slaughter them downstairs
then?"

Silence and dagger looks from the other diners.

Scene 36:

Restaurant, Robbie and Pete are ready to leave. Robbie looks at the bill, pays
in cash, leaving a huge tip.

Pete: "Lets get suited..."

Scene 37:

Robbie and Pete are both snappily dressed in smart suits and leather shoes.
Robbie shakes the tailor's hand after paying in full, adding a very generous tip
for the tailor. The tailor is grovelling humble, almost curtsying and bowing
grabs the door as they leave.

Scene 38:

Back in the car.

Pete: "Where to know chief?"

Robbie: "Fuck it... hotel for the night!"

Scene 39:

A smart hotel bar, same evening. Robbie and Pete are still well-dressed,
relaxing with over-the-top cocktails. A very attractive barmaid attends.

Robbie: "You ever been to Devon?"

Pete: "Yeah... it's a cracking place. Dartmoor is wild - I was there for a
bit. There's a famous old cider bar in a place called Newton Abbot where my dad
used to take me. They do a cracking pasty. There's a rock called Hay Tor
nearby - it's a great climb and view.

Robbie: "Do you mind driving there?"

Pete: "It's your holiday. Wherever you want to go, not a problem - but not now
I'm trollied... In the morning, eh?"

Robbie: "Great. (Gestures towards the bar) I like that barmaid.

They both look towards the barmaid and ogle over her large breasts.

Pete: "She is a sort! I don't fancy your chances but give it a go man."

Robbie: "Oy gorgeous! Can I..." Robbie tries to stand up but falls backwards
and hits his head, knocking himself out. The barmaid rushes to join Pete in
trying to revive him.

Barmaid: "Shall I call the doctor?"

Pete: "Nah... He's tougher than he looks, anyway, he's coming-round now.

Barmaid: "He's a resident isn't he?"

Pete: "Yeah, we took the adjoining suites on the top floor."

Barmaid: "Nice. Grab him under the shoulders we will put him to bed."

As they are bending down Pete admires her ample breasts. She notices, but says
nothing.

Scene 40:

Robbie's suite: Very plush with flowers and a original artwork. Robbie is
comatose on the bed. Pete and the barmaid remove his jacket, tie and shoes.
Pete rolls him into the coma position and the barmaid covers him with the quilt.

Barmaid: "He will be fine - apart from a sore head."

Pete: "I wish we could carry-on partying! ...You're Australian aren't you? I
can tell, I'm very perceptive, but you probably guessed that already."

Barmaid: "Is that a come on?"

Pete: "Definitely."

Barmaid: "You English guys are so predictable. I'll lock-up downstairs and
bring a bottle. Next door isn't it? The Belvedere Suite?

Pete: "Yup... See you in five minutes then."

Barmaid: "And by the way... I am South African not an Aussie."
Pete breaks into a wide grin and, catching her mocking look, laughs aloud. She
joins his laughter and walks out of the suite.

Scene 41:

Outside Pete's suite. The barmaid is knocking on the door, champagne in an ice
bucket cradled in one arm.

Barmaid: "I thought you had fallen asleep!"

Pete: "Don't be silly I wouldn't keep a fox like you waiting! Come in, I'm
feeling creative tonight."

Pete walks straight to her and French kisses her in a really passionate embrace.
She responds in kind. The door closes.

Scene 42:

Hotel breakfast table the following morning. Classical music is playing, an
efficient looking waiter attends the guests. Robbie and Pete are clearly
worse-for-wear.

Waiter: "Morning gentlemen, would you care to..."

Robbie cuts-in.

Robbie: "I want fresh orange, a jug. I got a mouth like a badgers arse."

Pete: "Hold up Robbie... That's the worst thing to have for a sore head; its
acid and turns your stomach. You should have something with a low PhD."

The waiter rolls his eyes.

Robbie: "PhD... Where do you get that crap?"

Pete: "Two ice cream sodas with a sugar in each. I'll have the traditional
English breakfast with everything, toast not fried-slice. Marge instead of
butter as I'm watching the calories. ...And could I have a couple of extra
sausages with that too?"

Waiter: "Very well. (Turning to Robbie) And you sir?"

Robbie: "I'll have the same."

Scene 43:

Outside the hotel, in the taxi, driving-off. Both are silent and looking really
hung-over.

Scene 44:

The taxi is halted at the side of the road opposite a camper van sales lot.
Four-way flashers on, with smoke billowing from under the bonnet. Pete and
Robbie get out of the car.

Pete: "Fuck... fuck it!"

Long shot including the camper van lot. Both of them examine the car. Pete is
exasperated. Robbie turns his attention to across the road.

Pete pulls the bonnet to a gush of acrid smoke - now frantic as his source of
income is threatened.

Robbie wanders across the road and onto the lot, carrying the holdall.

Pete: "I think she's seized - no oil, the sump plug must have worked loose.
Hey... where are you going?"

Robbie: "Back in a minute, just going across the road..."

Scene 45:

On the camper lot. Robbie inspects a used camper, in good condition, marked at
�7,500.

Salesman: "Can I help you at all?"

Robbie: "Can anyone drive it?"

Salesman: "Yeah, if you got a full license, two arms and half a brain."

Robbie: "I will give you ten grand if you get my mate's car fixed and deliver
it to his home. Oh... and fill the camper up with petrol."

Salesman: "Its diesel! ...What car?"

The salesman thinks he's got a right one here. Thinking he's not genuine, his
attention wanders to some other prospective buyers on the lot.

Robbie: "That taxi... (Gesturing across the road) With the built-in Native
American signal kit."

Salesman: "Yeah... right."

The dealer is now convinced Robbie is a nutter. This is until he sees Robbie
pull-out two large wads of money, banded �5,000 each. His eyes suddenly get
bigger and he now gives Robbie 100% attention. Everyone loves cash.

Salesman: "So... I sell you the camper now. Fix and deliver the taxi for ten
grand, yeah?"

Robbie: "Yep, we got a deal. What's your name?"

Salesman: " I think we have a deal! I'm Jamie."

Robbie: "Put Pete's details on the documents - he'll be the owner."

He then very casually tosses the money to Jamie and starts walking off.

Salesman: "Cheers mate."

Robbie: (Stopping and turning) "Don't say anything to my mate - it's a
surprise."

Pete walks over

Pete: "Its fucked... engine seized."

Salesman: "Don't worry - give me the keys. I'll have it fixed and delivered
back to your house I will even give it a valet I justneed your details..."

Robbie: "Go on Pete - we done a deal - it's sorted."

Pete: "I can't let you do that. You're too generous."

Robbie: "Well look what you got to drive now. Don't thank me yet - I don't
even know if it's got power steering or not."

Pete follows the car dealer into his little office, hands over the keys to the
taxi and gives his details.

The dealer shows Pete the features and controls of the camper and leaves him in
the driver's seat. He walks over to Robbie.

Robbie: (Quietly, out of Pete's earshot.) "Thanks, send the logbook to Pete
and put his name on it."

Salesman: "Sure mate, nice doing business with you - oh, here's my card; if you
ever need another motor, call me. Thanks, have a good trip!"

Robbie climbs-in and Pete manoeuvres the camper alongside Jamie.

Pete: "Power steering, nice."

Salesman: "There's a full tank of diesel too. Bye!"

They drive off the lot.

Scene 46:

Inside the camper, front seats. Robbie playing with all the buttons.

Scene 47:

The camper is shown driving along an A road, leaving Wiltshire.

Robbie fiddling with the stereo and whacks a tape in.

Robbie: "Pete... if you see a supermarket, can you stop?"

Pete: "Sure mate."

Scene 48:

Supermarket forecourt 10 am.

Robbie and Pete enter the store.

Scene 49:

Walking out with four trolleys. Two shop staff helping and loading supplies
into the camper. The trolleys are full - one trolley is just full of cases of
beer and spirits.

Scene 50:

In the camper, Pete driving. Robbie is bingeing on food and beer and within a
short time has dozed-off. It's getting darker.

Scene 51:

Some time later. Robbie now awake. Long shots of the camper travelling along
the A303. It's dark. In the view from the front of the camper, you can see the
headlights illuminating the road. A female hitchhiker comes into view, alone on
the side of the road with her thumb up looking sheepish, wet and exhausted.

Robbie: "What was that?"

Pete: "Just a hitchhiker..."

Robbie: "Stop man... You can't leave a hitchhiker in the dark."

Pete: "It could be a nutter, you sure?"

Robbie: "So could I!"

Pete: "Good point!"

Pete brings the camper to a halt and starts reversing.

Scene 52:

The camper has stopped the hitchhiker approaches a little cautiously.

Robbie: (Leaning out of the window) "Hi... You want a lift? ...I'm Robbie and
that's Pete.
Hitchhiker: " "Hi... Where are you heading?"

Pete: "We're going to Devon."

Hitchhiker: "I'll come with you but I'm not sleeping with either of you! Why
Devon? It's full of pie makers isn't it?"

Pete: "No, that's Cornwall - and its pasties not pies! No strings, I promise
just a lift."

Hitchhiker: "Thanks... I'm Holly."

Holly looks like a hippy chick, wearing night club makeup glitter etc. Now
looking a bit rough due to being on the road a few days. She looks quite young.

They drive along, getting acquainted.

Scene 53:

Pete drives most of the night. Robbie climbs into the front of the camper, half
cut and slurring his words. Holly has made her self at home and is sleeping,
tucked-up under a couple of duvets.

Robbie: "She's nice you know... I think she's quite sweet."

Pete: "Young though... How old is she?."

Robbie: "She's nineteen - what do you reckon my chances are?"

Pete: "Chances of what? Getting a shag! Going out with her or what?"

Robbie: "Nah, man - I ain't got time to plan that far ahead."

Pete: "How do you mean?"

Robbie looks very sad and pensive. Pete catches his mood and waits for Robbie
to speak.

Robbie: "Pete... I tried to kill my self once!"

Pete: "Shit man... Why?"

Robbie: "Because I was so unhappy, rock-bottom."

Scene 54:

Flashback: Late-night/early morning, Thames estuary. The tide is out and
Robbie gets stuck up to his thighs.

Scene 55:

Rescue services on the scene. An SAR helicopter hovers over the estuary,
winching Robbie to safety.

Back to the present, in the camper:

Pete: "What happened?"

Robbie: "The fucking tide was out!"

Pete: "So why didn't you end up in a loony hospital?"

Robbie: "I told them I was fishing ...and can you believe it - one of the
rescuers was a fishing enthusiast and as a present, brought me one of his rods
round - he thought I had dropped mine when I got stuck! ...I fucking hate
fishing!"

Robbie: "Pete... I'm dying. (His eyes well-up).

Pete: (Looking shocked and concerned) "Fuck-shit ...you serious? When? Is
that what this trip is all about?"

Robbie: "Yeah... I wasn't going to tell you."

Pete: "I'm really sorry mate." (shaking his head from side to side)

Robbie: "I don't want your pity - I wasn't going to tell you and I don't want
you to tell anyone else is that OK? Just treat me as normal."

Pete: "Sure, I understand."

Pete sits there in shock - not knowing what to say so he turns the radio up to
hear a sad ballad.

Pete: "Cancer, is it?"

Robbie: "I got something growing on my brain stem - when it pops it will kill
me. They reckon it will be fairly painless! I wonder how they know that - if
it's fatal... no victim would be alive to tell if was painful or not. What do
you reckon?"

Robbie (looking really drunk) takes a couple more swigs of Jack Daniels and
tries to pass the bottle to Pete.

Pete: "No thanks; one of us has to stay sober enough to drive! I reckon the
doctors must know what they are talking about - that's why they're doctors and
earn such a big wad."

Robbie: "I'm scared. Why me? Do you reckon there's a god?"

Pete: "I don't know, but it doesn't hurt to edge your bets."

Robbie: "What's that mean edging your bets?" (facial expression of confusion)

Pete: "Well its like if you're not sure about something, you keep your options
open. Say you're in the bookies, you've got twenty quid and you're not sure
which horse will win - but you're sure its between two of them, so you put a
tenner on both horses.

Robbie: "What if there are more than two horses you think might win?"

Pete: "No, you're missing the point! I don't say 'I don't believe in god' just
in case when I die I find myself in front of the pearly gates trying to convince
St Peter to let me in.

Robbie: "Gates what the fuck you on about?"

Pete looks slightly annoyed that his good fair paying passenger is either a bit
dense, pissed or of basic state education.

Pete: "You know... Judgment Day, wrath of God, hell or heaven - going up there
or going down to hell."

Robbie: "So how do I edge my bets?"

Pete: "Well, have you ever been to church?"

Robbie: "Yeah, when I was christened, a couple of weddings and a funeral
(laughs) - like that film.

Pete: (Laughing also) You twat... That was 'Four Weddings and a Funeral'. But
seriously, if there is a God, I think he will count all the good things you've
done against the bad. If the good things outnumber the bad things, he lets you
in. If the bad things come out on top you have to go down stairs.

Robbie: "I'm not really religious. How do you know which one to choose?"

Pete: "That's the hard part. There's loads of religions, but on a job
application I always put Church of England."

Robbie: "Why?"

Pete: "I don't know really, in the Army they always said if you are not sure
put C of E! But if you're in Hospital put Muslim; you don't get the normal shit
food, you get a decent Halal curry brought in by outside caterers.

Robbie: "What's 'Halal'?"

Pete: "It's where a holy man has blessed the meat as they cut its throat!"

Robbie: "That sounds really cruel."

Pete: "Well, I doubt the animal likes it, but they say its really quick. Their
curry dishes taste great."

Robbie: "How do you know all this?"

Pete: "When I was younger,I worked in a hospital kitchen- that's why
I'm
such a gourmet."

Robbie: "I could really go a McDonald's. I can hear my stomach rattling."

Pete: "I prefer Burger King, its far tastier."

Robbie: "Nah... they got to much crap on 'em; you try and bite it and it oozes
out your fingers."

Pete: "Its three am - I'm going to pull over and get some zeds."

Robbie and Pete pull of the road and then stumble into the back of the camper
and start pulling the beds out. Long shot of camper as lights go out, very dark
and quiet.

Scene 56:

After dawn, clear sky. The camper is parked in a copse of trees at the edge of
a field of cows. Focus is drawn to Robbie, stood outside the camper, leaning
against it with both hands - being really sick.

Scene 57:

At about ten am, you can hear cluttering. The door of the camper swings open to
let smoke out, light in. Pete opens the curtains and begins cooking breakfast.
Music is playing. You can see a stack of pots and pans as Pete serves up three
plates of food in a very flamboyant style. Holly finishes rolling a cigarette
by hand.

Pete: "Wa-hay! Hi-di-hi campers! Rise and shine! As Jamie would say, 'This
is real pucker!'"

Robbie: "What's the car dealer got to do with breakfast?"

Pete: "No, you tit... Wrong Jamie - I am on about that TV chef who makes that
pucker grub for his tasty bird and their mates. You must have seen it."

Holly: "I've seen it, 'The Naked Chef ' - he's a dish."

Pete serves-up the breakfast. All three are sat round the camper table, eating
and looking a right mess.

Scene 58:

The camper is on the move. Holly with a couple of quilts round her, Robbie
making small-talk, chatting her up.

Holly is a smart kid. Streetwise and a little complicated and mysterious. She
asks Robbie for a book and then starts sticking a couple of Rizla together.

Robbie: "What you doing?"

Holly: "Don't tell me you've never had a spliff before?"

Robbie: "Nah... I don't do drugs; they fuck you up."

Holly: "D'you drink coffee?"

Robbie: "Yeah, but that's different..."

Holly: "Do you drink alcohol?"

Robbie: "Yeah, but drugs are bad man - they fuck you up and make you paranoid."

Holly: "How do you know that?"

Robbie: "I saw this program with Jack Straw, you know, that guy with the
glasses looks like a shrew - Home Secretary or something. If anyone should
know, he should - that's what he gets paid for."

Holly: "You're taking the piss! The guys a fucking hypocrite - even his son
was caught dealing in it. Wake up Robbie, make your own fucking mind up on
things... Don't take everyone else's word for it. You need to open your fucking
eyes, where have you been."

Robbie: "Ok, I might've missed the drug culture thing, but don't start on me
just 'cos I got no need to escape reality or expand my mind!"

Robbie is quite hurt. Holly is exposing him to something he has never had to
think about before!

Pete: "Now-now children... No fighting in the back!"

Robbie: "Pete, do you smoke that shit?"

Pete: "Sure... I didn't when I was in the Army; too risky. I like to eat it
and I occasionally smoke it but it's got to be good weed! Its great for
cataracts, glaucoma, nerve damage, multiple sclerosis and period pains you can
even get it on prescription, I think."

Holly: "I didn't know it helped period pains."

Pete: "Yeah... I used to have an ex who used to eat it like it was going out
of fashion. She swore it helped - or maybe she was just a greedy bitch."

Robbie: "What do you reckon, Pete. I'll try it if you do?"

Pete: "You make your own mind up, but Holly and I'll have Emlyn Hughes on that
stick."

Holly laughs, so does Pete. Robbie feels completely left out - doesn't
understand the joke. Holly passes the joint to Pete, who then starts to laugh
even more - knowing that Robbie hasn't a clue about the remark.

Robbie: "I don't get it..."

Pete: "You will. You can have it after me."

Holly: "Pete give it to him... He's a virgin - he's never toked."

Robbie: "I am not a virgin at all..."

Pete and Holly are cracking-up. There is a hash-haze in the air and cool
ambient music on the stereo. Robbie tenuously tries the joint, coughs, but
persists.

Robbie: "Its not very good... I don't think I got anything from it - but I
tell you what, if we pass a burger or pizza place - or any place what sells
food; can we stop!"

Holly starts laughing, so does Robbie - who is feeling a bit paranoid because
he's not sure why he's laughing. Within a few minutes, Robbie is asleep. Holly
climbs into the front and sits there rummaging Pete's tape box. She selects one
and puts it in the stereo - both looking a bit uncomfortable, either of them not
knowing where to begin.

Pete: "You seem like quite a complex biscuit!"

Holly: "What do you mean by 'biscuit'?"

Pete: "It's just a figure of speech... Just trying to get to know you."

Holly: "Ok, shoot the shit... We can play a game, only rules are: you got to
tell the truth and, believe me, I'll be able to tell if your fucking with me."

Pete: "Is that an offer?"

Holly: "You wish! Right, I go first - how old are you?"

Pete: "Forty-three. My go! ...What are you doing hitch-hiking?"

Holly: "You really want to know?"

Holly reaches back, grabs the bottle of Jack Daniels and has a couple good
swigs!

Pete: "Only if you want to tell me..."

Holly: "I've not told anyone before... In fact it might be easier to tell you
'cos you're a stranger! I used to get abused by my step dad; he used to sneak
in to my room at night. I thought he was just trying to hug me. I couldn't
work out why he would want to hurt me!"

Pete: "I'm sorry... Fuckin' hell - that's heavy shit."

Holly: "See, I knew I should just keep it to myself; you feel uncomfortable
now!"

Pete: "No I don't. You can talk to me... Have you had counselling or
anything?"

Holly: "My question: Any ghosts in your cupboard?"

Pete: "This is getting a bit deep..."

Holly: "Can't you handle deep? Or do you prefer shallow? Are you one of those
people who ask how you are - and all you want to hear is 'fine thanks' 'cos you
don't really give a fuck - because you're shallow!"

Pete: "You can't judge me! You only just met me - I'm not shallow... And yeah
- if it makes you feel better, some of my life's been crap to!"

Pete looks pained, remembering something he'd rather not.

Scene 59:

Flashback. Northern Ireland: An Army 'Brick' patrol, South Armagh. A younger
Pete is giving his patrol a final briefing.

Pete: "Right lads, you know what were doing and where the players are meant to
be so no fuck-ups and keep the noise, and your heads, down. Check your ammo and
make sure your kit's not rattling anywhere. Ok... Make ready, safety catches
to 'safe' and take your positions."

The sound of rifles cocking as the brick makes ready.
?
The brick is patrolling silently in staggered formation through a deserted farm.
Suddenly four armed men are seen running. The patrol automatically move to
cover. The point man of the brick offers a challenge:

Point man: "ARMY PATROL... STOP!"

Pete moves forward in a crouch to get a better view. One of the players fires a
burst of automatic towards Pete who returns two shots in quick succession,
dashes to the side and takes an aimed shot from the kneeling position.

One of his patrol members has come round from the other side and takes the round
high in the chest.

The players melt away unscathed.

Pete: "Secure the area! Jobson, call it in and get casevac here FAST! Shit...
Fuck!"

Jobson: "Hello Zero this is 57 Alpha, contact over." Radio static, sound fades
as:

Two soldiers are trying in vain to save their fallen comrade. Pete cradles his
head as he grabs Pete's combat jacket, coughs-up blood and begins to shake
violently... After a few seconds he is still. Pete looks at the corpse,
helpless...

Scene 60:

Back to the present:

Pete: "It was horrible, I held him while he died. That look on his face - he
could not believe I had fuckin killed him. I see his face at nightin the
dark, in a bottle, on the television. Holly, I am still suffering too! I'm
still paying the price - sometimes I thinkthe only way out is death."

Holly: "I'm sorry..."

Pete: "We've all got baggage - anyone who tells you they're fine is lying.
We're all fucked up, we're all scared. If someone says they got nothing
wrong... They haven't lived!"

Holly: "So how do you know Robbie?"

Pete: "Look its kind of difficult... I promised I wouldn't say."

Holly: "Say what? ...Are you related?"

Pete: "No... I'm just a taxi driver who picked him up."

Holly: "This isn't a taxi!"

Pete: "No pulling the wool over your eyes darling! Yeah, I know ...it
seized-up in Salisbury and Robbie bought this camper."

Holly: "So where does Robbie want to go?"

Pete: "All over it's his Grand Tour ...trip of a lifetime."

Holly: "Why?"

Pete: "Because he's never done it before. I don't know, I never asked him.
But he's a great kid, I really like him. Its got to be getting on for eats
time. Do you want to wake Robbie and see what he wants to do for lunch?

Holly: "How come he didn't fuck off abroad?"

Pete: "I really don't know - perhaps he has no passport."

Holly: "Is he loaded then?"

Pete: "Look... I promised him I would say nothing. You're putting me in an
awkward position here. Can you go give him a shout?"

Holly: "Ok, I'll give him a shout..."

Holly goes back into the camper and wakes Robbie while Pete looks for somewhere
to pull-over. Pete finds a nice little spot in a small village with a Norman
church and pulls-up outside an old country pub. Timber frame and stone cottages
line the quiet street.

Robbie: "I feel like shit! Its got to be eats time? Pub lunch eh?

Scene 61:

Robbie, Pete and Holly walk into the pub. Inside is typically Devonshire. The
locals stop talking and stare for a while, before returning to their discussion.

Robbie: "What do you guys want to eat and drink?"

Holly: "You paying?"

Robbie: "Yep - my treat."

They all spend a couple of minutes looking at the menus.

Robbie: "I'm ready - how about you two?"

Holly: "Pint of lager and.... veggie burger and chips please Robbie."

Pete: "I'll have the half chicken, chips and peas thanks. Oh, and a pint of
lager..."

Robbie goes up to the bar and orders. Robbie then chucks a couple of quid in
the fruit machine and a couple more in the juke box. Music starts to play,
rather muted.

Robbie: (To the barman) "Can you turn it up mate... I can hardly hear it!"

You can hear the music going up in volume.

Back at the table Pete and Holly are talking as Robbie bowls over...

Robbie: "I put this on - what do you reckon? The food will be over in a
minute."

Music takes-over. Background table talk. The food arrives and they tuck-in.
Robbie drifts away from the talking and looks like he's in a world of his own.
He finishes well-before the other two and downs his pint. He leans over to get
their attention...

Robbie: "I'm going to have a little walk on my own. I'll meet you both back at
the camper later."

Mouths full, they both thumbs-up.

Scene 62:

Village churchyard. Robbie walks into the church, sees a confession box and
walks-in; not entirely sure what he's doing. There are very few people in the
church.

Scene 63:

In the confessional, it is very dark.

Robbie: "I don't know why I am here."

Priest: "Why do you think you are?"

Robbie: "I'm dying... I am so scared... I never been religious or thought
about God - help me... I'm scared man, I'm scared.

Robbie's eyes well-up.

Priest: "Well this is a confessional - is there anything you want to confess?"

Robbie: "If I confess - will it get me to heaven?"

Priest: "There's no guarantee, but if you confess to God he will forgive you
your sins and it can't do any harm. What would you like to confess?"

Robbie: "I robbed a building society... I wanted to see a bit of the country
before... well. I've not done anything with my life... I tried to kill myself
on a train line! I never done anything for anyone else, and I am so scared! My
mate Pete said if I do some good it might help - is this true? ...And to top it
all, I'm dying. I got a couple of weeks at most. Why does God want me to die -
what did I do that was so wrong? Why me?"

Priest: "It is true, to do some good in your life will make God happy. I don't
know why your time is up. Only God himself can answer that."

Robbie: "What kind of good?"

Priest: "You will have to find your own path. Your only fortune here is: most
people don't know when their time on this earth is due, but you do! Young man,
you might not have much time left - so use it wisely, enrich your life and live
what time you have left to the fullest. Go out there and do some good. In
making others happy you will find fulfilment."

As Robbie stood-up to leave the Priest added:

"And on your way out - spare a thought for our roof appeal; at the moment it
leeks. God will be with you my son. God bless!"

Robbie: "One last thing Father: will you bury me here?"

Priest: "If that's what you want, my child - consider it done. Let someone
close to you know that this is your wish."

As Robbie comes out the confession box he notices a ray of light coming through
one of the windows; he takes this as a sign from God. He feels refreshed,
stronger spiritually and stimulated. Suddenly, it all makes sense.

As he walks out, he puts his hand into his bag and pulls out a huge wad of
banknotes and puts it at the base of the door to the confessional, just where
the priest will come out. He taps on the door and quickly walks out. Under his
breath he says:

Robbie: "Thank you lord - for showing me the way."

Scene 64:

Robbie is walking out the church, back through the village to the camper - still
in a spiritual mood. As he reaches the camper, Holly is lying in the sun and
Pete is washing the camper with bucket and sponge.

Pete: "...my old man - although he was a complete bastard, he showed me how to
clean a car properly and with a good bit of..."

Robbie interrupts:

Robbie: "I need to talk to you both. This is important!"

Pete: "Sure mate... what is it?"

Robbie: "Lets shoot-the-shit in the camper... Holly 'you in?"

Scene 65:

In the camper.

Robbie: "Ok... New plan: I want to do some good. Holly... I'm dying. I got
loads of cash and I want to do something worthwhile; I want to make a difference
and I want you to help me come up with some ideas."

Holly: "That explains a few things... Shit! I really feel sorry for you man."

Robbie: "Don't feel sorry for me, I don't want that. I'm fine honest."

Pete: "How come you're so calm about it now?"

Robbie: "You wont believe it... lets just say I saw the light! So come on
guys, what can we do?"

Pete: "It depends on how much money were talking, how much have you
got?"

Robbie: "About one hundred and eighty thousand!"

Pete: "Wow! That's big cash... I'm in."

Holly: "Are we going abroad? Think of all them starving kids or the endangered
Loggerhead Turtles in the tropics."

Robbie: "Nope... not abroad. Whatever we do has to be done here, not in a
foreign country."

Holly: "Why... what's wrong with abroad?"

Robbie: "Three reasons..."

Scene 66:

On a charter flight, Robbie is sat third seat from the window. The overhead
sign displays, 'You may unfasten your seatbelts.' Robbie grabs his head and
stands up, screaming. The other passengers looking at him in horror. He's
holding his head, his eyes bulge and his head balloons and explodes. The
overhead lockers and neighbouring passengers are covered in brain and blood.

Back to the camper, as Robbie says:

Robbie: " ...and besides, I cant go on a plane 'cos..."

Scene 67:

In an airport terminal at the immigration desk.

Immigration agent: "Passport please."

Robbie checks his pockets and realizes he has no passport.

Robbie: "I got no passport!"

Immigration agent: "No passport, no travel! Next..."

Scene 68:

Back in the camper...

Robbie: "Also... I don't want to spend a couple of days getting somewhere and
then having jet lag when I get there! I might only have a few days left. Get
thinking what we can do to make a difference; I don't want to give it to charity
because I want us to think of it."

Holly: "Who do you want to help? ...There's the homeless ...Or animals?"

Pete: "Fuck the animals man; they got enough old people queuing up to bequeath
money to them already."

Holly starts rolling a joint, cracks another bottle open and turns the music up.

Holly: "This is really far out - we could do anything!"

Robbie: "I like the idea of a homeless shelter. I wonder where we should build
it..."

Pete: "In London your money won't stretch far, but Southampton I reckon would
be ideal. Plus I've got some contacts there. What do you reckon? You will
need to register as a charity. It takes time, but anything is possible."

Robbie: "Well its decided lets by a place in Southampton and turn it into a
homeless shelter. Pete, you run it and Holly you got a job. You will both be
paid very well. What do you reckon? We on?"

Pete: "Sure what I got to lose! I still think you're a nutter though."

Holly: "I'm in!"

Pete: "I want to show you both something before we go back; it's a rock called
Hay Tor - its been a while since I been there, but its an amazing site."

Pete turns the tape up and climbs into the front. Holy starts drinking -
opening bottles trying to make cocktails and feeling quite high. Nothing like
this has ever happened to her before.

Scene 69:

Our team are in the camper, driving towards Hay Tor. Rock music blaring out of
the stereo.

Scene 70:

Inside the camper the party is in full-swing. Robbie and Holly are pissed.
Pete is doing his tour guide bit.

Pete: "There's a famous fair near hear called Widdicombe Fair, you've probably
heard the song:

Old Uncle Tom Cobbley and aaallll!
Old Uncle Tom Co..."

Robbie and Holly are rolling-about; they're finding Pete really funny. He's the
only one who's sober.

Scene 71:

The camper is standing in a car park near Hay Tor. Getting-out of the camper,
they all grab a bottle of something.

Pete: "I got a couple of tents here - if you both grab a rucksack each... I
have filled them with everything we need to camp-out. I found this shop that
does some really great sausages, their own rec..."

Robbie: "Fuckin' hell... When did you sort this out?"

Pete: "I took the liberty when you went for a walk in that village. Holly,
your rucksack is the slightly smaller one of the three. I stuffed it with
everything you'll need! When I was in the Army, I always found the most
important thing for an exercise was preparation."

Holly: "I didn't realize we were camping out; I ain't got enough skins!"

Pete: "Sorted... There's a packet of veras in your rucksack side pocket."

Pete gets a map and compass out, even though where they are going is a huge
rock, visible on the landscape about a mile up the hill straight ahead. All
three of them start walking up the hill. A couple of tourists nod as they pass
on the pathway.

Robbie: "Fuck me, this is heavy! What's in it?"

Pete: "You've got the alcohol, tents and food."

Scene 72:

All three are walking up Hay Tor towards the summit. They stand before the
rock; you can see graffiti: names and dates in the rock. Panoramic views in all
directions.

Pete: "If you follow me, I'll show you an easy way up."

Scene 73:

Our three are seen climbing to the summit.

Scene 74:

All sat at the very top of Hay Tor drinking from liquor bottles. A beautiful
midsummer sun is now getting lower in the sky.

Robbie: "Ok... Group photo. Pass the camera Pete..."

Pete: "Er... You... Where is it?"

Robbie: "You're the soldier... 'Everything is in the preparation' you said!
Where did you put it? We got to have a group pic!"

Pete: "Shit... I'll tab it back down; its only about two clicks there and back.
I'll be about forty minutes. I'll leave my rucksack here. See you shortly."

Pete walks off briskly and is soon out of sight, leaving Robbie and Holly sat on
the rock.

Holly: "Wow... Lay back Robbie."

As they lie back, Holly puts her arm out and holds Robbie's hand; almost
instantly they start to kiss. Holly pulls-out the sleeping bag as they are
grasping at clothing. We leave them making love.

Scene 75:

Back at the summit: Pete's head coming-up over the parapet. It leads you to
think he's caught them in the act, but they are both enjoying a post-coital
joint.

Robbie: "Thanks Pete... I'll never forget this night - the view is just
amazing! I feel so at peace with the world."

Robbie turns to Holly with a cheesy smile across his face. Pete realizes and
grins to himself.

Pete sets-up the camera for the group shot by balancing the camera on a rock.
He takes his place in the frame just before the flash goes-off. The sun is low
in the evening sky.

Pete: "We'd better go while we still have light. If you both follow me back
down, we'll go in an eastward direction. We'll come to a disused mining quarry
- its quite steep so be careful."

Scene 76:

In the quarry. Robbie and Holly are following Pete down through the rocks. A
beautiful midsummer sunset lights their way. They reach the quarry floor and
take-off their rucksacks.

Scene 77:

In the quarry, last light.

Pete: "You two go and find some deadwood for the fire. I'll erect the tents.
In the Army we would make 'bashas' out of our waterproof ponchos - none of this
cushy tent shit."

Robbie: "I suppose you would forage off the land, kill wild boar and catch fish
too?"

Robbie laughs, thinking he is funny.

Pete: "No you twat! There is no wild boar in Britain anymore. But like any
good soldier you eat your rations then forage of the land. Like that S.A.S guy
in the gulf; he survived for days with no rations, his flesh was hanging-off
him. He walked hundreds of miles - absolutely amazing the resilience and
cour..."

Robbie: "I read that book too; didn't he drink some radioactive water?"

Pete: "He'd been lying in a storm drain for ages."

Holly: "If he was so well trained why didn't he check the water? And how come
he had no food?"

Pete: "Nah... you don't understand it weren't like that! They got dropped in
the wrong place; behind enemy lines, well out-numbered and with a radio which
didn't work."

Holly: "That's silly, why did they take a radio which didn't work? How did
they get dropped in the wrong place? And how comehe ended up on his own?"

Robbie: "That's a point, how come he had no food and water - don't the Army
give it out on a mission? Or are they like our hospitals; they can't afford to
feed their staff?"

Robbie laughs again feeling on form and finding everything he says funny.

Pete: "You two just don't get it!"

Holly: "If he knew they were outnumbered; why go in? Why didn't he just not go
there in the first place?"

Robbie: "That's a real divvy question - even I can answer that. Holly, think
about it... if he didn't go there he would not of been able to write the book
duh!"

Pete: "Lets change the subject..."

Pete finishes putting the tents up and pulls a large machete out, throws it by
the blade. It sticks blade-first into the ground.

Holly: "What's the knife for?"

Pete: "Its no knife it's a machete, the Army uses them in jungles or anywhere
where the bush terrain is inaccessible."

Robbie: "So, Rambo, what do we need it here for?"

Robbie laughs looking very amusing.

Pete: "You see all this dead wood? If you hit it with the machete it will
break as its old and brittle! You reckon you can do that? ...Or do you want
Holly to do it?"

Fade out.

Scene 78:

They are all sat round their campfire drinking. Holly is rolling another fat
one. After a while, Holly notices a torch in the distance...

Holly: "Shit! There's someone out there..."

Robbie: "Fuck it! ...could be rednecks - just like Deliverance."

Pete grabs the machete, fumbles in the rucksack and pulls out a huge Maglight
and shines it in the direction of the approaching torchlight. Holly grabs
Robbie and is holding him close for comfort.

Pete: "HALT... (Two approaching figures stop) ...Who goes there? ...Advance
and be recognized."

A male voice responds in an Australian accent:

Australian: "Steady-on mate... It's OK, there's only two of us. Have we
stumbled on an Army exercise? We don't want any trouble - is it OK to come
over?"

Pete feels all macho and is clearly enjoying being in control of the situation.

Pete: "Ok, come over - keep walking straight or you will end-up falling in the
water."

The two figures walk over.

Australian: "Hi...(Offering his hand) I'm Billabong Bob and this is Frank,
nice to meet you, great fire you got there."

Pete: (Shaking hands) "Likewise... I'm Pete, meet Robbie and Holly."

Handshakes all-round, before long it looks like they all been mates for ages.

Robbie: (Still the comedian) "Hey... Frank... is that an Australian name?"

Frank: "Yep... (He is quite clued-up and realizes that Robbie is half-cut, so
decides to take advantage of the situation) Robbie... Do you know what your name
means in Australia?"

Robbie: (Looks worried) "No... what?"

Frank: "In Oz, if you go for a Robbie it means your going for a... (Frank is
holding his fist in a 'wanker' sign: moving his hand up and down.) Er... how do
you say over here, hand shake?"

Everyone is rolling-over laughing, even Robbie - knowing the joke is at his
expense. He is secretly worried that Holly might get the 'hots' for one of
these surf-kids with long hair and six pack abs. The party goes well into the
night.

Scene 79:

Campsite - early morning. All cans and bottles on the ground. Looks like its
been a party for about twenty people. Pete's head emerges from the tent. You
can hear laughing from the other tent - it's Robbie and Holly being all
lovey-dovey. Pete crawls out of his tent - he's got a Army string vest on and
is looking for cigarettes and a lighter.

Scene 80:

Pete is standing on a rock with a cigarette in his mouth, having a piss.

A little later, Pete is fully-dressed, making a brew. He unwraps a pack of
sausages and prepares breakfast.

Pete: "Yo!... Love-birds ...Brekkie`s almost ready."

Two heads appear from the other tent.

Holly: "Wow Pete! ...That's amazing - you should be a chef."

Pete: "I may be the ships cook; but I ain't the dishwasher!"

Holly: "What are you on about?"

Robbie: "I like my eggs over-easy." Laughs.

Pete: "You got em over-easy, mate... When I tried to turn them, they went over
the pan and it was easy picking them up off the floor." Big laugh.

After breakfast, Pete spends ten minutes looking for the machete and when he
can't find it comes to the conclusion that the Aussies stole it! Whilst
looking, he bends down and picks-up an Australian passport, Frank's. With a
smile, he throws it into the bottomless quarry-pool. Holly and Robbie appear
from the tent.

Pete: "Those Aussie fucking twats stole the machete - it just shows there all a
bunch of crooks, its in their blood! That's the price we have to pay for
deporting all the thieves and cutthroat, low-life scum."

Holly: "They didn't take it... I couldn't sleep with the thought of it lying
around - so I packed it in my rucksack."

Pete: "You're joking!?"

Holly: "No... Why? ...Do you want to use it?"

To make Pete feel even worse, he sees the Aussies coming round the quarry
entrance...

Frank: "Hi guys! We've just been back to the car, and as a thank you for
sharing your tucker and grog with us..."

Frank gives them an Australian theme T-shirt each.

"One size fits all. Holly's might need tucking-in a bit though."

Hugs all-round.

Pete: "Lets all walk back to the car park together."

Scene 81:

They all troop downhill with their packs on their backs towards the camper. A
pleasant morning with the sun shining brightly, low in the east.

Scene 82:

In the camper. The Aussies have departed.

Holly: "You're a bit quiet Pete. You all right?"

Pete: "Yeah... I am fine. You?"

Robbie: "Right, I reckon - Southampton here we come!"

Scene 83:

Views of the camper driving along the A303, then through Salisbury and along the
A36. Finally the camper stops outside Pete's house in Bitterne, Southampton.
Late morning.

Pete: "Oy-oy, Hi-di-hi... We're home campers! It's no hotel, but you reap what
you sow! ...And I didn't sow much!"

Robbie/Holly: "What?"

Pete: "My landlords away. I collect the rent for him and there's a spare room;
so you two can make yourselves at home."

Holly: "How long is he gone for?"

Pete: "He went for three months to Thailand and fell in love with a lady-boy.
Ha! He tried to bring her back, he even got married but immigration threw a
wobbler and threw her out - so he lives over there with her. I put the rent in
his bank. There's a couple of others living here, but they're students and away
until the new term."

Robbie: "Fuck me... I thought my life was complicated. Do you think it feels
different shagging a lady-boy?"

Pete: "I don't know - but even I didn't realize she was a bloke 'til he blabbed
it out."

Robbie: "Er... you mean you pumped it?"

Pete: "No... Leave it out. I mean, looking at her, you could not tell she was
a he!"

Holly: "Robbie you're talking about a person with feelings, who was unlucky
enough to be born in the wrong body."

Pete: "Yeah... Look - lets go out tonight. I know where we can get a good
nose-bag, then I'll take you clubbing."

Robbie: "Great! I'm feeling a bit tired now though. I'm going to get my head
down. Wake us up in time to get ready..."

Holly: "You want me to come with you?"

Robbie: "Only if you're tired babe. I got to sleep... I'm feeling wasted - its
been a great few days guys, thank you both... I mean that!"

Holly: "I need the loo - give us a kiss, handsome."

Robbie gives Holly a quick hug and kiss. She trips to the toilet.

Pete: "Don't be so soft! ...I'll give you a shout before we get ready."

Robbie: "Pete, I'm gutted - I love her so much. I wish I could marry her but
that would be selfish considering I am dying - don't you reckon?"

Pete: "Its not for me to say - but if you ask me, if you both love each other,
then you should let nothing get in the way! Even if time is running-out.
Whatever the timing - you're lucky to find love. Many people don't ever get
there - what you have is very special."

Robbie heads up the stairs to get some rest, then Holly comes back in. Pete
notices that Holly is crying...

Pete: "What's up pet?"

Holly: "I really love him - and I am going to lose him and there's nothing I
can do!"

Pete: "That's why what little time you have is even more precious. I suggest
what little time you do have - you make the most of."

Holly: "Has he said how long he's got? He's a cagey with me about it."

Pete: "You're putting me on the spot! I think he said weeks perhaps a couple
of months at most. I am not sure, why?"

Holly: "I want to marry him - but I don't want him to think I want to do it out
of pity. Pete I love him with my whole heart. This must sound stupid; I know
I've only known him for a couple of days, but I love him."

Holly's crying, sniffling. Pete gives her a hug.

Pete: "It's not stupid - really."

Scene 84:

There's a knock on the door. Pete opens it and sees a big tow truck. The
driver emerges.

Tow truck driver: "Got a delivery... a taxi, mate. It's unloaded and its all
yours! Sign here..."

Pete signs. He and Holly go and look. The car has been cleaned and looks
lovely.

Pete: "Listen, lets not go out for a meal - lets eat in, the three of us. I
would like that..."

Pete's mobile phone rings...

Pete ums and ers... Holly listens... Then Pete says:

Pete: "OK Bob, ...see you when you get here then...No... No need mate... You
can stay at my gaff. ...sure, no worries. Call me when you hit town and I'll
guide you in."

Holly: "Was that Billabong?"

Pete: "Yep... and Frank; he's lost his passport and wondered if he could stay.
Frank was carrying all the travellers cheques and can't cash them without his
passport. They will be arriving by car this evening.

Holly: "Great did I hear you say they could stay?"

Pete: "Yep... as long as they need."

Holly: "Pete I really think you're the most genuine, caring person I have ever
met! And I don't know why you have not been snatched-up by all the girls."

Pete: "YEAH... I know. It's fuckin' outrageous! I'm going to get my head down
- can you give me a shout later, about six?"

Holly nods. Pete leaves her rolling a joint and heads up to bed.

Sometime later - about eight a clock in the evening. Dead quiet in the house.
You hear Pete's mobile phone ring...

Pete: "Fuck...fuck..fuck! It's eight-o-clock, we've over slept!"

Camera races up the stairs to see Pete coming out of his room in some horrible
pants. He sticks his head around Robbie and Holly's door.

Pete: "Quick, wake up, get dressed. I am going to meet Billabong Bob and Frank;
they're following me back. I'll bring some grub back with me."

Pete flies out the door. The house is quiet again.

Pete meets the Aussies at Central Station, lets them in on his plan and then
they follow his taxi back to the house.

Scene 85:

Southampton, French St Registry Office. The big day. Robbie and Holly face the
Registrar. Holly looking lovely wearing a black silk dress. Robbie and Pete
wearing the suits they bought in Salisbury. Pete on station as Best Man. The
Aussies look like they have raided a charity shop at the last minute.

Registrar: "I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride.

Robbie cradles Holly's face in both hands and kisses her romantically. Cheers
and applause from all assembled.

Scene 86:

Scene showing the back of the camper - festooned with all the usual wedding
bunting and the obligatory 'Just Married' sign.

Switch to inside the camper. Pete driving, with the newly-weds in the cabin
sipping champagne.

Pete: "To the reception Sir? Or would Sir like to show Madam the new
property?"

Holly: "What property?"

Robbie: "Pete found a perfect house for the homeless project. We put a offer
in and it's been accepted. Needs a lick of paint though. But otherwise our
dream hascome true. Pete, do the drive past!"

Scene 87:

Driving past the house, there is a sign which reads: 'Sold (Subject to
Contract)'

Holly: "Wow... Great!"

Cuddling Robbie, tears in her eyes, too emotional to talk.

Pete: "On to the reception Sir?" (Playing the part perfectly).

Scene 88:

East St, Southampton, Nick's Restaurant. The Aussies have arrived just ahead of
them. Pete introduces the newly-weds to Nick and explains they have just got
married. Nick ushers his staff to prepare a table for the occasion.

After all are settled, Robbie stands up taps a knife against a bottle,
ting...ting....ting.

Robbie: "Lady's and gents my wife and I have just got married and I would like
to share this moment with you all, please order what you want off the menu, and
if you have already ordered - I would like to pay for everything you have had.
Champagne all round!"

The whole restaurant are clapping and cheering, waiters dashing all over, taking
orders and serving champagne.

Pete: "Right... Are you ready to go on to tonight's entertainment?"

Robbie: "You're amazing Pete! Where we going?"

Pete: "Follow me..."

As they leave the restaurant, everyone's clapping and cheering again.

Scene 89:

Onslow Rd, Southampton - outside Lennon's Night Club.

Doorman: (looking at the Australians) "Not tonight boys... (He then notices
Pete) All right mate? They with you?"

Pete: (Shakes the doorman's hand) "Yeah they are;meet Robbie and Holly
they just got wed today and these two are Frank and Bob."

Doorman: "All of you come through - no charge, seeing as you're celebrating.
Follow me."

Scene 90:

At the club bar...

Doorman: (To bar staff) "Champagne on ice for our special guests - not the cheap
stuff either."

Robbie's almost crying - tears are in his eyes, very emotional.

Robbie: "I want to thank you all - I have never been so happy in my life!"

Champagne cork pops, glasses filled. Toasting etc. Scenes of dancing crowds.

Robbie: "Pete... how come he let us in for free?"

Pete: "Long story - basically; I saved his bacon once."

Doorman: "Excuse me... Robbie, Holly and you two in fancy dress! Drink whatever
you want on the house - your cash is no good in here. Has Pete told you how he
saved my life?"

Robbie: "How?"

Doorman: "I was chucking a couple of arseholes out..."

Flashback: A rowdy scene - a drunken thug is arguing with the doorman. The
doorman grabs him in a restraining hold and moves to eject him from the club.
One of the thug's mates pulls out a knife, but the doorman does not see it. The
knife is seen plunging towards the doorman's back. Suddenly Pete is visible
intercepting the attackers wrist in an Aikido move; the knife seems to continue
in an arc toward the ceiling as the assailant's legs follow. Pete has the
attacker on the floor with the knife safely out of his reach. Pete and the
doorman's eyes meet and a brief, respectful nod is shared between them. Pete
hands him the knife by the handle. More door staff arrive and the thugs are
marched-off.

Doorman: "Top tip: don't upset Pete. I've been offering him a job for years...
(laughing, slaps Pete on the back.) one day he might just accept."

Club scene: everyone having a really good time. Frank and Bob are chatting two
really ugly birds up.

Scene 91:

Later Frank is seen leaving the club with a Goth bird.

Frank: "What's your name again?"

Gothic Bird: "Its Caroline... I've told you three times! ...Is it worth me
taking you back?"

Frank: "Yeah, you bet! Just wait till I get you home..."

Scene 92:

In the entrance hall of Caroline's house.

Caroline: "Shhh... keep it down till we get up stairs.

Both are laughing and staggering up the stairs.

Caroline fumbles for her room key, trying to open the door. Frank is all over
her. They tumble onto a big mattress on the floor. Purple and mauve fabrics
are draped around the room, with candles everywhere. Johnny Depp and 'The Crow'
movie posters compete for space on one wall. It's a real gothic palace - walls
all black, clothes everywhere.

Scene 93:

Back at the club. Chucking-out time. Groups are gathering outside chatting,
eating chips and trying to hail taxis. Billabong Bob is walking home with his
hand out thumbing for a lift.

A metro with spoilers and bucket seats pulls-up alongside him. A young lad in a
baseball cap is driving. His young girlfriend is sat in the back.

Metro driver: "Get in mate..."

Billabong Bob: "Cheers mate - don't you want to know where I am heading first?"

Metro driver: "No... we're just cruising - hop-in quickly."

A screech of tyres and the car races off.

Metro driver: "Had a good night mate?"

Billabong Bob: "Yeah... Rippa! Say... cheers for the lift. The BP garage at
Bitterne Manor would be just great!"

Behind them a blue flashing light appears - it's a police car.

Metro driver: "That was quick... normally it takes longer to get pigged!"

Billabong Bob: "Pigged?"

Metro driver's girlfriend: "Pigs, gavvas, cops y'know... We nick a car, then
we do a bit of racing and get the pigs to chase us."

Scene 94:

Scenes of a car chase all around the city. The young driver is very skilled and
seems to have the Police foxed.

Billabong Bob: "Strewth! I'm only here on a visitor's visa mate... I could do
without getting in trouble with the law."

Metro driver: "Look its cool... I'm going to pull up past the next lights in
the garage forecourt - jump out quick 'cos I can't hang about!"

Billabong Bob: "Well I really appreciate the lift mate... do you want any
money?"

Metro driver: "As you guys say 'No worries.' We picked her up with a full
tank of gas."

Billabong Bob: "Well... you and your good lady take care, and once again -
thanks."

From the garage forecourt you see the metro come round the corner pull onto the
forecourt. Billabong Bob falls-out the car as its still moving then the metro
screeches off, leaving Bob sat on the floor as a police car comes round the
corner in hot pursuit.

Billabong Bob: "Fucking Poms... They're all mad!"

Scene 95:

Caroline's room. Frank wakes up - one eye open, realizes there is a rodent on
him - a great big brown rat very close to his head. In a reflex action, he
swipes it off the pillow. The rat flies through the air a short distance and
cracks his back on the corner of a wall. The rat lands on the floor - clearly
dead.

Frank: "Fuck... fuck!"

Caroline: "What's up - has Roland woken you up?"

Caroline's in the kitchen section making a couple of cups of tea.

Frank: "Er... no - who's Roland?"

Caroline: "My pet rat - he's a real honey."

Frank: (Horrified) "No... I've not seen it - I just need the dunny."

Caroline: "The what?"

Frank: "Sorry - I need to take a leak."

Caroline: "The door behind you - 'scuse the mess."

Frank grabs the dead rat in his hand, walks quickly into the bathroom, puts it
in the loo and tries unsuccessfully to flush it...

Frank: (Whispering to the dead Roland) "Fuckin' get down there..."

The rat stubbornly refuses to go round the U-bend so Frank pulls it out of the
basin and pushes it through a small gap in the toilet window.

Scene 96:

The conservatory below the level of the toilet window. It's the couple in the
ground floor flat. They are having a breakfast of boiled eggs and toast,
reading the Sunday papers in their bath robes. Classical music playing.

A crashing of glass as the dead rat lands on the table next to the toast.

Woman: (Screams) "Eeeekk! get it away. Adrian! ...get it out of the house -
its filthy, where did it come from?"

Adrian hunts for a pair of household gloves and puts them on before lifting the
unfortunate Roland up by the tail. The woman has turned a pale shade of green.

Adrian: "I reckon it belongs to that Goth weirdo upstairs, I will see if it's
hers."

Adrian heads for the door.

Scene 97:

Back in Caroline's flat, Frank has finished drying his hands and walks back into
her bedroom.

Frank: "I got to go sweetheart."

Caroline: (In her little girl voice) "But you promised me seconds..."

There's a knock on the door.

Adrian: "Hello its Adrian from downstairs - are you in?"

Caroline opens the door - just sticking her head round.

Caroline: "Oh.. Hello."

Adrian: "Do you own a rat by any chance?"

Frank pushes past kissing Caroline on the forehead as he leaves the flat.

Frank: "Ring you later - bye!"

Frank wastes no time in getting away. Caroline demures, a little embarrassed -
but gives Frank a little wave of her hand.

Caroline: "Roland... Yes I wondered where he'd got to... I hope he didn't
intrude... He's really very clever."

Adrian: "I don't think he's quite mastered flying yet though..."

Adrian produces poor Roland, dangling by his tail. The scream is heard clearly
by Frank as he is leaving the building. He breaks into a run.

Scene: 98:

Robbie's place - the next day. Robbie his invited all his friends round.
Billabong Bob, Frank and Caroline are seated round a table. The door bell
sounds.

Holly: "I'll get it..."

She goes to the door.

Scene: 99:

Holly opens the door to see Pete.

Holly: "Hi Pete - glad you could make it."

He pecks her on the cheek.

Pete: "What's he up to? He said it's important."

Holly: "Wait and see - it's a surprise."

Scene: 100:

In the dinning room all Christmas decorations are up and a huge turkey is on the
dining table. Everyone is wearing Christmas hats and enjoying the celebration.

Pete: "Wow... what's happening?"

Holly: "Robbie's not going to be around for Christmas - so he decided to have
it early. He wanted to have it with his 'family' as a thank you. Plus we've
got an announcement to make."

Robbie: "Thanks for coming... I'm not sure how long I got, so I thought I
would invite you all to a early Christmas celebration. I don't think I would be
here today if it wasn't for Pete and Holly. A lot has happened in such a short
amount of time! Also, apart from getting married - I just found out I'm going
to be a dad! (Cheers and applause) Although I am not going to be here I would
like you all here to help Pete run this place. I..."

Robbie stops talking and slumps down holding his head.

Pete: "Is he OK Holly?"

Holly: "He has been having a lot of spells like this - he gets tired quickly.
The doctor said he needs plenty of rest."

Holly and Pete help Robbie up to bed.

Scene: 101:

Robbie's bedroom. Robbie is lying on the bed, Pete and Holly by his side.

Robbie: "Holly... will you go and see how our friends are?"

Holly: "I want to be with you."

Robbie: "I love you - you know that. You will always be with me... Please go -
they will be worrying."

Holly: "Ok... Ok..."

Holly goes back down stairs.

Robbie: "Pete... I can't see! I've gone blind. I'm so scared..."

Pete moves closer and hugs him.

Pete: "No Robbie, you've got more time - they don't know for sure how long you
got! You might even see your kid being bo..."

Robbie: "No Pete... you don't understand - it's happening now - I can feel it.
I need one last favour."

Pete: "Stop it Robbie - you're scaring me man! You're going to be OK I'm
getting an ambulance."

Robbie puts his finger to his mouth and makes a shhhh sound.

Robbie: "Pete it's now and here - this is it! Let me die peacefully. Listen,
I need you to look after Holly and my baby. I want you to promise - it's a lot
to ask..."

Pete: "It goes without saying - we're family now; your kid is my kid."

Pete is crying and very upset.

Robbie: "The accident with the soldier you shot, I heard, I was awake. It
wasn't your fault. You got to stop blaming yourself! It's time to stop seeing
them demons in the bottom of your glass. My baby's going to need you, so is
this place. I have transferred responsibility to you. Make my dream happen."

Pete: "What if I fail - let you down?"

Robbie: "You won't. Remember what you said about edging your bets; I did, I
have faith. I...I.. Wow - I'm floating. I love you all you're the best family
I.. I.."

Pete: "No... Robbie don't go... Robbie!"

As Pete is holding him, Robbie's arm slips down - he is dead. A strangely
peaceful look on his dead face.

Fades to darkness.

Scene 102:

Pete's place a few days later. The telephone rings. Pete answers.

Pete: "Hello... Who? ..................Really........... OK......yeah..... I
will ....um five.........will do........are you sure........OK.. Bye!

Pete downs the phone - half in shock.

Scene 103:

Robbie and Holly's house. Holly and Pete are talking.

Holly: "Slow down Pete... what priest?"

Pete: "In Devon, when Robbie went for his walk - he went to see a priest and
the priest has said that Robbie requested to be buried there. The priest has
said that they want to arrange everything. I haven't a clue why. He said they
would send transport to pick us up and it was a real honour for them."

Scene 104:

A few days later a funeral cortege pulls up outside Pete's they all get in and
it slowly pulls away heading off really slowly.

Scenes of different stages of the now-familiar journey. Massive tail back gets
bigger and bigger as the procession goes through towns. People waving as if
it's a royal funeral like Diana's.

Scene 105:

The Church in Cristow. The church is full. Holly, Pete, Bob, Frank and
Caroline occupy a bench at the front. Local dignitaries and parishioners fill
the pews. Outside the press are trying to get information.

A hush descends on the church as the Priest climbs his podium.

Priest: "Most of you don't know Robbie - the young man we are burying here
today. Just twenty-one... Some might say just a boy. But I would say a real
man - snatched away from us... and only God knows why. What is the point of
bravery and courage if no-one sees it. Is there any point in doing a good deed
if it will go unnoticed.

Robbie was not only a brave young man - even in his last hours, he was helping
others.

He leaves behind him a wife and an unborn baby he will never see. He also
leaves some friends who will never forget him.

As we bury Robbie I want you all to know he was a true hero. With as little
fuss as he came into this world he leaves, having enriched so many others.

Before I conclude this service, one of his friends would like to say a few
things:"
Pete moves to the front.

Pete: "I cant believe there are so many people here. I'm not even sure why...
I just want to tell you: I know I didn't know Robbie for long, but in the short
time we spent together - It seems I new him all my life.

He was your friend, he was my friend too. He was everybody's friend; it felt
like he was my brother. He might be gone but he will never be forgotten - he
will always live on in the hearts of those who were lucky enough to know him.

I have found purpose in my life - a promise I made to Robbie. So Robbie, before
God I swear I will make your dream happen. Thank you for being my friend."

Scene 106:

Outside the church. Standing by Robbie's grave. Our friends comfort each other
with hugs and kind words.

Pete: "God, I don't know what I'm going to do now he's gone."

Pete is really upset, Holly is holding his hand.

Holly: "I do: We've got to make his dream come true - or it's all a waste..."

Nods of agreement from the assembled group of friends.

Scene 107:

The Shelter - one year later. A sign reads: 'Robbie's Roost - Shelter with
dignity. All welcome.' Views of the house and gardens.

Scene 108:

Robbie's Roost kitchen. Bob and Frank in chef whites, preside over a hectic
kitchen - cooking for a large amount of people.

Bob: "Frank will you let them know - tucker's up in five.

Frank sticks his head through a hatch to see about twenty people, some looking
like they have been living rough for a while.

Scene 109:

In the office. Pete on the phone - big blown up photos of the trip on the wall
behind him.
Pete: "Hi... Robbie's Roost, Pete speaking... sure.....nope... We never turn
anyone away... yep. I see... Just bring him round ...OK."

Scene 110:

Holly in an upstairs room with a ten-month-old baby on her knee. She is helping
a young East-European woman to complete her benefit forms. Children are playing
with some toys in the background.

Holly: "Yeah I know, they should make them easier to understand..."

Pete pops his head round the corner.

Pete: "Is the Robster ready for his bottle yet?"

Holly: "Cheers Pete... I'll come through in five."

A large portrait of Robbie grins at you from the wall. The Trip soundtrack
fades in as the titles come up.